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Dysfunctional Family - Characteristics and Effects
Every individual grows up in a family which has its own dynamics. The formative years of a child’s life and the environment he/she grows up in has a direct impact on how he/she functions as an individual.
What is Dysfunctional Family?
A family where conflict, neglect and misbehaviour are constant and everlasting is dysfunctional. Modern psychology defines dysfunctional families as those with anxious systems within them. There is a tremendous amount of emotional disturbance within the family members, and it sometimes means that it is coupled with child neglect and abuse. Children from dysfunctional families assume that this situation is normal as they are exposed to that environment regularly and do not know the different aspects of dealing with dysfunctional family.
A functional family, on the other hand, encourage all family members to attain optimal growth and provide a safe space for emotional well-being.
Relationship Between Dysfunctional Family Members
In a dysfunctional family, there is often apathy, child abuse and neglect involved to some degree. Children who come from dysfunctional families often have the low self-confidence or low self-esteem and grow up thinking that such kind of behaviour is normal. They have some adverse effects of dysfunctional families on child development.
In a normal functional family, there is mutual respect between family members and everyone has each other's back. For dysfunctional families, there is always tension and mistrust amongst the parents and children. Also, the authority of the parents in the family is often misguided and without accountability. Even amongst adults, there is a certain level of mistrust and resentment. The members do not create a safe surrounding for a child to grow. There is an underlying fear and hurt constantly while growing up. Also, dysfunctional families do not value apology and do not allow for emotions to be expressed reasonably.
Reasons Of Dysfunctionality in Family
No family is perfect, and you do not get to chose the family you are born into or raised in. There are many reasons, both external and internal, that lead to dysfunctional families. Here are some traits of a dysfunctional family:
1. Finances
If a family is undergoing or has been in exceptionally poor financial situations, then it leads to more dysfunctional behaviour within the family members. As soon as the family is facing money issues, parents get anxious, and it leads to cracks in the family structure thereby leading to fights and disharmony.
2. Family History of Dysfunction
If for many generations there has been a history of family dysfunction, and the parent's dynamics with their own parents is also dysfunctional, then the cycle remains unbroken. All the family members exhibit characteristics of someone raised in a dysfunctional family.
3. Violence
A history of violence- either physical, emotional or sexual, in the prior generation leads to fear, destructive behaviour and violence between the parents and towards the children.
4. Over Religious Belief Systems
If a family has strong religious beliefs with no room for conversation or debate or explanations it can lead to parents trying to enforce the same set of beliefs on their children. Parents might become strict without reason and purely on the basis of their fundamental opinion, and this can lead to dysfunctionality.
5. Authority
A reason for a dysfunctional family could be parents getting pushy, aggressively authoritative and tyrannical in their behaviour; this leads to over possessiveness and dislike amongst members.
Signs Which Indicate that You were Raised in a Dysfunctional Family
Often it may become difficult to deduce if you come from a dysfunctional family, but here are some signs you can check for the same:
1. You are a people pleaser
If you find yourself constantly trying to say yes to people and do anything in your power to please them, then it could be a sign that you are from a dysfunctional family. If you are nice for the sake of being nice and sacrifice personal needs to make others happy, that may be a sign. It is because as a child you might have been made to believe that you will be abandoned.
2. You are a Type A person
If you crave perfection in everything you do, it may be because you are afraid of failure which may be a result of growing up in a dysfunctional family.
3. You are constantly guilty
As an adult, if you feel guilty for other people’s situation or behaviour, neither of which are under your control, then it may be a sign. You feel guilty when people feel upset even if you are in no way responsible for it.
4. You lack communication skills
If you do not know how to communicate emotions in a healthy way with friends and family and you tend to shut down and not address it, then chances are you have been in a dysfunctional family.
5. Responsible towards others
When others make their own decisions, and you are not accountable for them, you still feel a sense of responsibility for what has transpired, especially when the situation is bad.
6. You are hard on yourself
No matter what you do or achieve, you are your harshest critic and you always criticise yourself first. You think that anything which is wrong is inevitably your fault in some way, and you are hard on yourself for that.
7. You have supreme levels of anxiety
Even when it's all smoothly sailing, you are always worried that something will go wrong, leading to a high level of anxiety. Consequently, you are never able to enjoy yourself.
8. You feel isolated and empty
As a result of constant isolation, lack of emotional support as a child, you feel unfulfilled and empty. You constantly seek affection, and you are afraid to be alone.
9. You are frustrated
No matter how good your life is, you can always pinpoint something that is wrong, and you are dissatisfied. You feel like your efforts go unappreciated all the time.
10. You feel anguish
A feeling of hopelessness and anguish exists in your everyday life despite no dire circumstances. You have negative thoughts and look at life from a pessimistic perspective.
Common Characteristics of Dysfunctional Families
Dysfunctional families have several characteristics in common which showcase the infelicitous dynamics between family members and their attitude towards each other.
Here is what its like to be in a dysfunctional family:
1. Lack of communication
Members of a dysfunctional family do not know how to openly communicate with one another and often have serious communication problems. They sweep issues under the carpet and never discuss them. They do not create a healthy conducive environment for discussion and often shout or have huge screaming fights. Family members do not listen to each other and usually resort to other ways of communication.
2. Lacking Empathy
In a family which is dysfunctional, there is no empathy, or a very little of it. It is to such an extent that the children feel bad about themselves. There is no unconditional love and issues are always subjected to behaviour corrections even when it's not necessary, and the child has only made a small mistake. There is no room for error which creates a claustrophobic environment which leads to a constant fear of failure in children.
3. Prone to Addiction
Children who have witnessed their parents being addicted to drugs, smoking or alcohol often as adults end up using such substances to cope up with life.
4. Mental Issues
Children who grow up watching adults around them suffering from mental illnesses and personality disorders often do not know how to cope or behave like adults. They also have a tendency to suffer from the same illnesses due to genetic predisposition.
5. Controlling Behaviour
Sometimes when parents exert an extra amount of control in children's life, stifling their ability to grow, they also end up not encouraging good behaviour. This kind of control can lead to self-doubt in children when it comes to their abilities and also creates trust issues.
6. Perfectionism
Parents often end up putting pressure on their kids to perform and when that pressure becomes excessive, it leads to dysfunctional behaviour in them. Fear of failure is triggered and the children intend to grow up to be perfectionists.
7. Criticism
Children growing up in a dysfunctional family are constantly criticized for their abilities or lack of them and are berated for all their actions. Parents are often condescending, patronizing and mean instilling a sense of helplessness and lack of belief in the child leading to a low self-esteem.
8. Lack of Independence and Privacy
Parents constantly invade a child’s privacy and smother them to ensure that they have zero independence when it comes to decisions in a dysfunctional family. They need to check at all times what the kids are doing and do not have honest communication or rules about it.
9. No emotional support
There is no room for emotions or support for members of a dysfunctional family. There is no safe space provided for children to express their emotions clearly and in a positive manner. Kids often grow up lonely or isolated from their parents in this situation.
10. Violence and Abuse
Parents of the dysfunctional family may resort to physical abuse and hurting of a child. There may be signs of verbal, physical, sexual or emotional abuse in children who come from dysfunctional families. Children observe this as normal and showcase the same behaviour as adults later.
Effects of Growing Up in A Dysfunctional Family
Growing up in a dysfunctional family can largely have negative effects on the children in the family. Mistrust, anxiety, despise and other negative emotions lead to a very insecure adult.
Certain common behaviour patterns can be observed in people who come from a dysfunctional family. They are:
They have a bad image of self and suffer from lack of self-confidence and self-esteem.
They find it difficult to form healthy adult relationships and are shy or have a personality disorder.
They get angry frequently and easily and prefer to be in isolation.
In studies, their performance is usually poor as they struggle to concentrate and focus.
They exhibit self-harm or self-destructive behaviour.
They are prone to addiction to alcohol, drugs or smoking.
They can suffer from serious mental conditions such as depression, suicidal thoughts, anxiety, paranoia
Such people may lack discipline as they do not have a good role model to look up to while growing up and can become irresponsible or destructive.
They can also lose their childlike qualities of innocence as they have to take major responsibilities at an early age.
Tips to Overcome the Negative Effect of Dysfunctional Family
Once you have identified if you come from a dysfunctional family, the first step is to acknowledge and recognise behaviours and habits that are related to the dysfunctional baggage. As adults, you are surviving the effects of being brought up in a dysfunctional family effects. There are ways to deal with it. Here is how:
1. Take Responsibility
As adults, you have a choice to overcome your circumstances and work towards creating a healthier emotional situation. It is important to take the responsibility for your actions and learn how to meet the expectations that are set for you by yourself and your family.
2. Seek Help
Once you recognise your shortcomings, it is important to seek professional help or help in any form to deal with the issues from childhood. Dealing with low self-confidence can be a difficult thing, and it always helps to have the support of family and friends.
3. Get Creative
Sometimes, conflicting situations can make way for creativity and expression. If you want to overcome the negative effect of a dysfunctional family, express yourself in a healthy way to your family and close ones. Share your thoughts and discuss how you can rebuild relationships.
4. Build Trust
It is not easy to grow up in a place where trust is hard to come by amongst the adults you have seen around you. As a child, if you have seen your parents be mistrustful, their is a tendency that you will carrythe same into your adulthood. With time and patience, learn to build trust amongst your closest ones.
5. Build bridges with your family
Families who are dysfunctional are emotionally unstable, and as adults, you have the choice to build or rebuild a relationship that is broken. Start with baby steps and try and forgive and support your family wherever you can.
No matter what kind of an upbringing you have had, there is always an opportunity as an adult to reflect and improve yourself and to have meaningful relationships with people!
Also Read: Impacts of Parents Fighting on Child Read more
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I Don't Feel the Connection. I Don't Love Him. Please Give Me Back My Sleep
It's good news! The pregnancy test stated I am pregnant. Two red lines turned my world upside down. Happiness, tears, and scary moments were there. Loads of questions and panic-filled moments too. I first made a call to my husband, thank god for technology. I told him to come home; I was expecting.
He was on cloud nine! He wanted to dance, celebrate, and shout to the world that he was going to be a dad.Months passed by, and my pregnancy progressed after a few complications. I delivered a healthy happy child. They say you won't understand the feeling of being a mother unless you become one. It's true, I had a c-section. The doctors delivered the baby, they were saying congratulations, you have delivered a healthy child. I was in utter shock, I asked them if it was a boy or a girl. They said it was a boy. I immediately kissed him.Days passed by since the two little feet entered my life. He was everyone's centre of attention - it moved from me to him. Everyone loved him immediately. For 9 months I was pampered and loved; now someone else was going to be pampered and loved. I was happy.After a few sleepless nights and paining of my stitches, I started to feel disconnected. The love I had felt earlier was not the same. I wanted sleep, I wanted rest and alone time. My time and sleep was now sacrificed for those two feet. I didn't feel the connection anymore. I didn't love him anymore.To all new mommies out there - it's okay to feel this. It's okay to feel left alone. Trust me when I say, take one day at a time and don't push yourself much. You will cope with your feelings. It's easier said than done and I know you will love him soon, one day. Those sleepless nights, backaches, and all the hard work will be rewarded with those two little feet. The reward will be the two sparkling eyes, staring and smiling at you, and cuddling you. They will recognise only you, and it's your touch that will calm them. You will feel like Wonder Woman with special powers to calm a howling, crying, scared baby, trust me. Enjoy every little moment as they outgrow too fast.One day, you will be staring and thinking, "please stop the watch, please stop time, I'm not ready to let these moments go." Cherish them; these kids grow up fast and you'll miss those little feet and little hands, the toothless smiles and their adorable stares.
Disclaimer: The views, opinions and positions (including content in any form) expressed within this post are those of the author alone. The accuracy, completeness and validity of any statements made within this article are not guaranteed. We accept no liability for any errors, omissions or representations. The responsibility for intellectual property rights of this content rests with the author and any liability with regards to infringement of intellectual property rights remains with him/her. Read more
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मायका या ससुराल - आखिर किसे अपना घर मानती है आप
अक्सर मैंने कुछ लड़कियों को या ऐसा कहिए कुछ बहुओं को ये कहते हुए सुना है कि उन्हें बस अपना मायका ही अच्छा लगता है ससुराल नहीं। कुछ बहुएं जो भाग्यशाली होती हैं, उन्हें अपने ससुराल में रहना ज्यादा बेहतर लगता हैं। और कुछ बहुएं सौभाग्यशाली होती है जिन्हें ना केवल अपना मायका ही प्यारा लगता है बल्कि ससुराल भी उतना ही प्यारा होता है। मेरा नाम भी उन्हीं सौभायशाली बहु की लिस्ट में आता है।
जी हाँ, मैं भी खुद को बहुत भाग्यशाली मानती हूँ जिसे अपने मायके जैसा ससुराल मिला है। जितना प्यार और सम्मान मुझे मायके में मिला उतना ही प्यार और सम्मान मुझे अपने ससुराल में मिलता है।
मायके में अगर हर गलती पे प्यार से समझाने वाला पिता है तो ससुराल में पिता के रूप में ससुर हैं। मायके में अगर हर कदम पे साथ देने वाली माँ है तो ससुराल में माँ के रूप में सास है। मायके में अगर प्रोटेक्ट करने के लिए भाई है तो ससुराल में भाई के रूप में देवर है। मायके में अगर प्यार करने वाली बहन है तो ससुराल में बहन के रूप में ननंद है। इसके साथ ही एक और अनमोल तोहफा मिलता है ससुराल में वो भी खुदा के रूप में, जो कि पति है। वो पति, जो हर ख़ुशी हर ग़म में हमेशा साथ देता है।
ये तो रही सौभाग्य की बात। लेकिन क्या आपको नहीं लगता कि किसी रिश्ते को सँभालने के लिए या यूं कहिए हर रिश्तों को संजोग के रखने के लिए एक समझदारी की भी ज़रूरत होती है। मैं ये नहीं कह रही की समझदारी बस एक को दिखानी चाहिए । जबकि घर में रह रहे हर एक सदस्य को समझना जरूरी है कि हर रिश्ते को निभाने के लिए समझदारी ज़रूरी है या यूं कहिए थोड़ा समझौता ज़रूरी है।
ज़िन्दगी अनमोल है लेकिन ये तभी अनमोल है जब आपके पास अच्छे रिश्ते हों । जो आपसे और आपकी ज़िन्दगी से प्यार करें । इसी प्यार और अपनेपन के कारण ही ज़िन्दगी को अनमोल माना गया है।
ससुराल में अक्सर सास और बहुओं के झगड़े को ही रिश्ते तोड़ने का एक कारण माना जाता है। मैंने बहुत सी बहुओं को कहते हुए सुना है कि उनकी सास से कभी नहीं बनती हमेशा नोकझोंक होती रहती है। अब आप ही बताइए, नोकझोंक किस रिश्ते में नहीं होती। क्या एक पति पत्नी के बीच कभी नोकझोंक नहीं होती। क्या एक माँ और बेटे के बीच में कभी नोकझोंक नहीं होती। क्या एक बाप और बेटी के बीच में कभी नोकझोंक नहीं होती। अगर इन सब नोकझोंक को मीठा बोला गया है तो एक सास और बहू की नोकझोंक को कड़वा क्यों बोला जाता है। ये सिर्फ एक रीत चली आ रही है कि अगर सास - बहू में हल्की सी लड़ाई हुई तो वो बुरा है। लेकिन ऐसा नहीं है।
देखिए, हर रिश्तों को निभाने के लिए छोटी मोटी नोकझोंक भी ज़रूरी है जिससे रिश्ते में प्यार की मिठास और बढ़ती है। कहते है न कि एक दूसरे से ख़ुशी बाँटने से रिश्तो में प्यार बढ़ता है। लेकिन सच तो ये है कि ख़ुशी के साथ ग़म ज्यादा बाँटने से रिश्तों में एक अलग ही मिठास आती है।उस मिठास को हमेशा बरक़रार रखें।
अपने अनमोल रिश्ते को समझिए और प्यार से अपनाइए । फिर देखिए आपके आसपास का माहौल कितना खुशनुमा होगा। जिए और जीने दें । प्यार बांटे।
Disclaimer: The views, opinions and positions (including content in any form) expressed within this post are those of the author alone. The accuracy, completeness and validity of any statements made within this article are not guaranteed. We accept no liability for any errors, omissions or representations. The responsibility for intellectual property rights of this content rests with the author and any liability with regards to infringement of intellectual property rights remains with him/her. Read more
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Dealing with an Unexpected Pregnancy Financially
Unexpected pregnancies can either be moments of joy or fear. If you’ve always wanted to have a baby (or not) but figured it would be somewhere in the future, discovering you’re pregnant can be jarring. Can you afford to raise a child? Are your finances enough? Find out how to create sound financial plans to cope with an unexpected pregnancy.
Dealing with an Unplanned Pregnancy Made Easier
1. Make extra money
Parenting isn’t cheap. In fact, infants and young children can be very expensive. Diapers, baby formula, clothes, shoes, bedding, food and everything cost money. What you need to do is to find ways to increase your income. Try your hand at freelancing. Set aside a few hours in the day to earn extra bucks. If you’re a writer by profession, writing articles on a freelance basis can help you out tremendously. Your hubby can share your load by doing a little overtime at work too.
2. Start an emergency fund
A back-up plan to help you cope with an unexpected pregnancy is something every couple should have. As soon as you’re ladled with the ‘surprise’, start putting aside money. Your husband you can make a weekly or monthly contribution to the fund. The two of you will need to resist the temptation to splurge on clothes and frequently eating out. Remember, there’ll soon be another tiny yet hungry mouth to feed!
3. Say bye to debt
If your husband is the only breadwinner, high debts can equal disaster. So what do you do if you have an unexpected pregnancy? Don’t get into toxic debts! Use the money you have to pay outstanding bills and people you’ve borrowed from. Debts with the highest interest need to be taken care of first before additional payments are made. Work your way through getting rid of all your big debts.
4. Budget, budget, budget
One of the best unexpected pregnancy advices would be to budget your money on a monthly basis. Divide your earnings into ‘essentials’ and ‘most essential’. If you happen to have extra money, save it. It’ll come in useful when hospital bills need to be paid and provisions for the baby need to be bought.
5. Look for ways to get things cheap or for free!
Your purchases for when the baby arrives can also be made on a budget. It would be wise on your part to shop during discount periods to avail super offers. You can also ask your friends and family for baby stuff if they decide to throw you a baby shower. Don’t be afraid or embarrassed. They’d much rather buy what’s needed and inadvertently, help you learn how to deal with an unexpected pregnancy.
Unexpected pregnancies and financial planning should go hand-in-hand to ensure there are no major hiccups along the way. Think with a clear head, be determined and it should be smoother sailing. Read more
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Say a Permanent No to Smudged Lipstick
Enjoying the appeal of smudge free lipstick is every woman’s dream. Apply these tricks for nicely painted in-place colours that highlight your features and complexion to perfection. Yes, now you can say ‘goodbye’ to lipstick smears and unattractive smudges. Step out with confidence in a pout coloured with perfection.
Do lipstick commercials or Emma Stone’s skilfully coloured pout make you crave for flawlessly painted and smudge-free lips too? While applying lip colour seems no great shakes, holding the colour in place without a smudge is an art few can accomplish. Here, we bring to you some proven tips to avoid smudged lips, which'll help you avoid embarrassments at a party, on a date, or while delivering a presentation alike.
How to Keep Lipstick From Smudging
1. Softer Lips for Smudge Free Lipstick
Feel your lips; are they soft, parched, flaky or dry? As a rule, lipstick smearing is inevitable if your lips are not moisturized. So, if you're struggling with a sun-burned or rough pout, then expect your lipstick to be uneven and flaky. Within a few minutes, the colour will run beyond your lips or flake off easily. What do you do? As a long term solution, just grab a small sugar cube and use the same to soften your lips. Set a weekly alarm for this beauty chore and your smudged lipstick will soon be a thing of the past.
2. Consistent Moisturising is a Must
Make your lip balm or petroleum jelly your best friend; these products are useful for locking in the moisture and ensure head-turning lipstick hues. However, remember to dab off any excess before applying your lip colour. Matte lipsticks (and other variants too) need a dry surface to grip on. So, if your lips feel heavy or sticky even after removing the balm, simply dab on some sheer powder before applying your lipstick.
3. Powdering The Gloss
If highly pigmented gloss is your scene too, then you surely need this tip. Keep a two-ply tissue (separated into separate layers) handy for setting the powder. Slick on your favourite colour and prevent the lipstick from smudging by blotting it with a layer of tissue. Repeat with the second coat. Next, apply a thin layer of sheer powder on to the other tissue and use it to absorb all excess moisture from your gloss. The act seals in the colour and makes it last longer that you may ever imagine. Are you ready to rock the night without any lipstick bleeds?
4. Line The Colour on Your Lip
To avoid feathering, use a line-filling lip liner that matches the shade you intend to use. Thereafter, reach out for a compact lip brush for tracing a concealer around your lips. Two coats of your concealer should do the trick and highlight the lip colour to perfection. And then, a dash of translucent powder gets you those perfect set of lips. Get ready to pout!
Your lipstick can make or break the effects of your makeup. Keep smudging at bay and gear up to attract more attention with nicely coloured lips that don't bleed—today! Read more
Dr Ghouse has added a new answer
Expecting Mom due in 4 months
1 hour ago
Q. #asktheexpert
why are my vomitings not stopping even in 5th month of my pregnancy. and constant headaches.
Dr Ghouse
Paediatrician
1 hour ago
A. this is seen in some people which my continue in second trimester also. if there is no relief it is better you see your doctor for proper examination particularly physical examination if there is need for doing investigations to find out the problem and treatment ok
Dr Ghouse has added a new answer
Trying To Conceive
1 hour ago
Q. is it normal to have 2 dominant follicles in Right ovary? Today is my D8 and the size of both the follicles are 20x18mm and 19x18 mm Is it normal.
and left ovary follicles 12x18mm.and ET size 7.89
pls advice
Dr Ghouse
Paediatrician
1 hour ago
A. if it is induced one then there can be chances. if there is no relief it is better you see your doctor for proper examination particularly physical examination if there is need for doing investigations to find out the problem and treatment ok
POOJA KOTHARI has added a new answer
Guardian of 0 children
1 hour ago
Q. what should I eat for a healthy baby in my 3rd month of pregnancy.kindly suggest a healthy diet routine
POOJA KOTHARI
Mom of a 7 yr 1 m old boy
1 hour ago
A. Whole grains — like brown rice, millet, oatmeal, bulgur, and whole-wheat bread. Proteins — like lean meats and chicken, eggs, seafood, beans and lentils, nuts and seeds, and tofu. Low-fat or fat-free dairy — like milk, yogurt, cheese, lactose-free dairy, and fortified soy beverages (soy milk) or soy yogurt.
Dr Ghouse has added a new answer
Guardian of 0 children
1 hour ago
Q. in which month of pregnancy we should start excercising for normal delivery
Dr Ghouse
Paediatrician
1 hour ago
A. no exercises vigorously only moderate walking ok. if there is no relief it is better you see your doctor for proper examination particularly physical examination if there is need for doing investigations to find out the problem and treatment ok
Dr Ghouse has added a new answer
Guardian of 0 children
1 hour ago
Q. #asktheexpert
I am 28 weeks pregnant and feeling breathlessness and Always tired ... is this normal ?
Dr Ghouse
Paediatrician
1 hour ago
A. this cannot be normal always better to see the doctor once. if there is no relief it is better you see your doctor for proper examination particularly physical examination if there is need for doing investigations to find out the problem and treatment ok
Dr Vandan H Kumar has added a new answer
11 mins ago
Q. My 4 year baby have always complaint of abdomen pain.
Dr Vandan H Kumar
Paediatrician
9 mins ago
A. if the child is having abdominal pain give syrup colicaid or syrup cyclopam 5 ml to the child for now
then you have to meet the doctor to find the cause of abdominal pain because it can be either due to gas or due to worms or some other abdominal pathology or gastroenteritis, constipation, digestive issues.
in the meantime it is advisable to give only easily digestible food to the child and water andx buttermilk curd rice and dal.
can give poha upma daliya and fruits.
avoid milk products , packet foods and fried items and heavy diet.
you can continue anti-colicx medicines and your doctor may add antacids for the child for few days it will help in decreasing the gas as well as bloating.
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