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Planning for a Baby? – Know What’s the Best Age to Get Pregnant
People have children at various stages of their life, and this means at different ages. So, is there something like ‘the perfect age to have a baby’? The fact is there are advantages and disadvantages to having children at every age. Also, factors like the financial situation, the society you live in, and the career prospects of both parents also play a role in picking the right time to start a family. Gaining in-depth information about all these factors will help you decide which the best age for you to get pregnant is.
What is the Best Age for Pregnancy?
The answer to this question will vary depending on the individual who is asked the question. The definition of “best” will also differ according to individual circumstances. But, overall, a majority of surveys and studies indicate that the ideal age to get pregnant is between 20 and 35. However, the best period to have a baby is different from what is considered the best age to bring up a child, and that is the mid-30s.
Does Age Matter?
The reason why 20- 35 is considered the preferred age for childbirth, is because women in this age group are physically better prepared for pregnancy. They find it easier to conceive and are less vulnerable to pregnancy complications such as pre-eclampsia, ectopic pregnancy, and stillbirth amongst others. This is also the period when the eggs are the healthiest. Being a fertile period, it is the perfect window for those wanting multiple children, since they have enough time to space the pregnancies adequately.
Pregnancy at Different Ages
While for some, 20-25 years might seem the perfect time to have a baby, others cannot possibly think of having a child before the age of 30. Here are the pros and cons of pregnancy at different ages.
1)Pregnancy During 20-25 Years
This is the age when women are at their peak fertility and have the best chance of pregnancy. At this point in life, you will have the highest number of high-quality eggs available, and the chances of a low-risk pregnancy and a healthy baby are highest during this period.
You are also less likely have a chronic medical condition in this phase and will have enough energy to last you through a pregnancy. The chances of miscarriage are lowest at this time, and the babies are not often prone to chromosomal problems.
It is also easier to regain your pre-pregnancy body quicker at this age since the tissues that keep your waist in shape have not been stretched out by age or weight gain.
However, it is worth considering that this is also a time when you might not be emotionally prepared to handle all that pregnancy entails.
2) Pregnancy During 26-34 Years
Age 26 to 29 is considered a good time for pregnancy especially for those women who have a healthy lifestyle with adequate nutrition and fitness. Around this time, you will be physically and mentally prepared for the rigours of pregnancy.
The early 30s has been seen as a preferred time for pregnancy among career women. In fact, it has been observed that those who gave birth as teens developed more health problems later in life than those who delivered babies in their 30s.
It must be remembered that there is a decline in fertility as you cross 30 with the chances of pregnancy each month hovering around 20% and the C-section rate among women aged between 30 to 34 is twice as high as those in their 20s.
The rate of miscarriage is 15% while there is no significant change in the risk for Down Syndrome until age 35.
For many couples, this is a time when their relationship is most stable ensuring they are committed to parenthood.
3)Pregnancy During 35-40 Years
Fertility levels keep dipping, and getting pregnant might become more and more difficult as you move towards age 40.
There is also a higher probability of developing pregnancy ailments such as hypertension and gestational diabetes.
The risk of miscarriage stands at one in four pregnancies with the threat of chromosomal abnormalities also increasing with maternal age.
Chances of conceiving twins also increase if the mother is older due to hormonal variations with age that can result in multiple eggs being released during ovulation.
4)Pregnancy Above 40
The number of women aged 40 and above giving birth has significantly increased from what it was a couple of decades ago. However, the chances of getting pregnant, drop to 5 percent every month after 40.
Figures indicate that about a third of women over 40 struggle with infertility.
They are also six times more likely to develop gestational diabetes or have diabetes as a pre-existing condition.
Additional tests and close monitoring of the pregnancy might become essential if you pregnant and over the age of 40.
On the positive side, at this age, you are likely to be financially secure and experienced in time management. Even if you are a high profile career woman, you might be at a stage where you can take some time off or opt for a flexible work schedule to spend time with your child.
Being in good health before getting pregnant is more important than your age at the time of the pregnancy. A balanced diet, regular exercise, and proper prenatal care can help you have a smooth pregnancy and healthy baby, irrespective of how old you are.
The Man’s Age
The fertility of men is also an important factor when a couple is trying to get pregnant. A man’s fertility declines by up to seven percent each year between the ages of 41 and 45. The drop just speeds up after that. The risk of miscarriage increases if the father’s age is over 45, irrespective of the age of the mother. Children born to older men are also more vulnerable to autism, mental health issues, and learning difficulties.
Studies indicate that while it takes about four to five months for a man under 25 to father a child, it can take a man of over 40 about two years even when the woman is under 25.
The volume of semen and motility of sperm declines with a man’s age.
Testosterone levels tend to fall after the age of 40, and this means a subdued libido which can also make it difficult to have sex.
Male fertility can be affected by illnesses, and these are more likely to surface as one age. Certain medications such as steroids, anti-depressants, antifungal medicines and diuretics can also negatively impact a man’s fertility.
It is not improbable that an older man can father a child. But realistically, fertility declines with age in men just as it does in women making natural conception much more difficult.
The reasons for getting pregnant or having your child during a particular phase of time in your life may be varied. But what is more important is to be happy with whatever choice you’ve made and to take in your stride the joys as well as the challenges of raising children.
Disclaimer: This information is just a guide and not a substitute for medical advice from a qualified professional
Also Read: Getting Pregnant At 40: All That You Need to Know Read more
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Sibling Rivalry – Reasons & Solutions
“Having one child makes you a parent, having two makes you a referee.”
Your child is at the centre of the universe in your life. Every decision you make is keeping in mind their best interest. The child is also aware of this privileged status and enjoys undivided attention of parents. Their perfect life changes, however, the day you bring in another child in your life. The birth of a sibling can be a stressful event in your child’s life.
Video: Sibling Rivalry in Children - Reasons and Solutions
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xCKQso29Gro
What Does Sibling Rivalry Mean?
Siblings can be the best of friends or worst of enemies. Based on the situation they are in, they can either love or hate each other, but they cannot ignore their presence in each other’s life.
It is common for siblings to fight and then make up with each other. While it can be frustrating to see your kids fight over trivial matters, it should not be a reason for you to lose your sanity. But, you can reduce the frequency of fights and promote peace in your home by making some ground rules.
What Causes Sibling Rivalry?
Sibling rivalry starts soon after the second child is born and it will continue all through their growing years. They compete for everything: from parent’s attention to toys, anything that is shared between them could be a potential area of conflict. In a way, it is healthy as they will learn to compete, share and reach compromises. These qualities can help them in dealing with relationships later in life. Some reasons for this rivalry can be:
Jealousy – Being the first born, your toddler is used to getting your undivided attention. Now they will have to share you with another individual who is pretty much incapable of doing anything and is completely dependent on you. It can make your child feel neglected as this new entrant in the family now gets all the attention. As they grow, the jealousy can flare up as you ask them to share their toys, room, bed, clothes, books, etc.
Comparison – It is very common for parents, family friends or relatives to make comparisons between siblings. It could be a comparison based on their physical appearance or temperament, nature, communication, mannerism, hobbies, eating habits, skills, etc. This could make them feel lesser compared to their sibling and can be a cause of long-lasting rivalry.
Individual temperament - Every child is unique and will have a different temperament. Their mood, disposition, adaptability, etc. will form a part of their individual personality. It will play important role in how they will get along with others. Some kids are introverted and may not be bothered by sibling taking up attention. Others may require extra love, care, and attention. The conflicting personalities may because of resentment. The same personality traits can be a reason of conflict as both kids will want a similar amount of attention.
Special need / Unwell child – Sometimes, a child could have special needs because of ill health, slow learning, emotional needs or physical disability. This will need the parent to dedicate more time to them and may be a reason for the other child to be jealous of their sibling.
Evolving needs – In most families, the younger child will inherit things used by older sibling making them feel jealous of being unable to get new things. Similarly, the older sibling may have a special attachment to their belongings and not be ready to share them. As they grow up, they will develop a sense of individuality and may resent taking care of their sibling or sharing household responsibility. They will not want to play with someone of a different age group and may be looking forward to spending more time with their own friends.
Role Models – Your kids will learn from you. Ensure that you set right examples, if you resolve conflicts with your partner in a respectful way, they will learn same. If you are aggressive in their presence, be assured of a similar behaviour from them.
Sibling Rivalry Between Toddler And Baby
When you are unable to handle your toddlers’ rival attitude towards the new born, you will want to curl up in a corner and cry. You are already going through post-partum stress and your toddler’s hostile behaviour can add to your misery.
Think from the child’s point of view. It is a stressful time for them too. They will find it tough to accept the new born as a part of life. They are used to getting undivided attention and they are being robbed of this privilege. They will show their discomfort by misbehaving, yelling, shouting, crying. Some could go to the extent of making unnecessary demands, stealing, breaking things, hurting the baby or even themselves. They can be annoyed by the constant crying of the newborn or simply the fact that you are dedicating more time to the baby. Their demands could be as silly as being carried on the lap, rocked on their crib, using a sippy cup, eating baby food or sleeping next to you.
Dealing with this aggressive relationship will be challenging for you and the way you handle the situation at this stage will form the base of their long-term relationship.
How To Prepare Your Toddler For Your Newborn's Arrival?
It is advisable to prepare your toddler before the baby is born to ensure a healthy bonding between them.
Inform them in a way that they can relate to about the arrival of the new baby.
Involve them during pregnancy by letting them touch your baby bump or talk to the baby inside your stomach. Take them along for gynaecologist visit and see the ultrasound or hear the heartbeats.
Tell them positives of having a sibling so that they look forward to having a partner and friend rather than seeing the baby as competition.
While one parent gets busy with newborn, the other parent should spend quality time with the toddler so it is not difficult for your toddler to handle the parent time conflict.
Once the baby has arrived, involve your toddler in child care. Let them choose clothes or toys for the newborn and help setup nursery. It would be nice to let them feel responsible for the well-being of the baby. Let them hold the baby so that they can bond.
Even when you are busy with the baby, take out some time every day for the toddler.
Involve your toddler in feeding the baby. You can encourage your toddler to entertain the baby with funny faces, dancing, and singing. They will be more than happy to share the time with you and bring a smile to the sibling.
Be prepared for tantrums and aggressive behaviour once in a while.
How To Deal With Sibling Rivalry
Whether you like or not, fighting kids will always be a part of every parent’s life. The way you deal with the situation will form the foundation of their relationship. Setting ground rules from day 1 will ensure household peace in long run. They will have to learn to compromise, negotiate, control their anger, understand the perspective of others and finally to let go and start afresh.
Do not get involved in every small conflict. Let them try to resolve before you feel the need to step in. It will only increase their dependence on you if you solve all their problems in life.
Physical harm should be a strict NO. Any situation should not reach to violence.
Monitor the language used and ensure that there is no name-calling or abusive usage of words. If you hear any inappropriate language, find out the source from where they might have learned this.
Do not take sides or show favouritism, be fair and hear both sides of the story. Involve kids in resolution rather than solving issues for them.
Separate the kids until they calm down. Sometimes just keeping them away from each other will give them time to reflect.
Do not focus on figuring out who is responsible for the fight. It takes two to fight – so both are responsible.
Do not compare kids based on their skill levels, eating habits, educational performance, etc. Each child is unique and will have different talents and traits. Comparisons can only lead to rivalry.
Share your time with each kid and give them undivided individual attention for some time every day.
Do not use violence to stop the argument. It will only make them use violence as a tool to end conflicts at some point in life.
Treat all your children equal. Either they learn to share or no one gets it. For instance, when they want to play with the same toy, let them take turns or put it away till they agree to share.
There might be tantrums, arguments, whining, and battles but as a parent, you will have to deal with it.
Tips To Stop Sibling Rivalry
1. Helping Kids Get Along
You can help your kids get along by simply setting few rules. These apply to parents as well as kids to ensure sibling rivalry solutions are found
If kids have varied interests, make time for the needs of both.
Allow them to share their time with friends as well as siblings. Make sure that they spend quality time together.
Have fun time with the whole family. Plan outings, vacations, movies, picnics and let them bond with each other.
Allow them to solve their conflicts and get involved only when needed
Make a schedule for things that they would have to share.
If required, seek professional help to resolve sibling rivalry disorder.
2. When One Sibling Is Handicapped
Parenting comes with its own challenges and it can multiply if one of the siblings has special requirements in terms of physical or emotional needs. Parent will need to spend more time with the handicapped child and balance their time with the non-handicapped sibling. Parents end up being pre-occupied in caring for handicapped sibling and ignoring the needs of the other child. This can lead to lots of resentment and hatred at some point in life. This tension can be relieved by involving your kids in care and spending quality time with them.
3. When One Sibling Is Gifted
Each child is gifted in their own way. They can have different abilities and talents. Do not compare them especially in front of others. Make them feel loved and special. Recognise their talent and help them develop their strengths. It is okay to mention your weaknesses and help them overcome them.
Conclusion
Taking care of more than one child is no walk in the park. Sibling rivalry is an inevitable part of growing up with kids who have siblings. Your job as a parent is to manage the conflict to a level where it can be turned into an opportunity for your children to grow as individuals. Read more
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Tips to Deal with Your Preschool Going Messy Eater
Most kids in their early stages of life are messy eaters as they are learning about food and table manners. Parents need to be patient in understanding about this kind of behaviour and should inculcate good table manners in preschoolers by helping them to learn about their food.
This is the period when your preschooler starts learning about the basic eating habits. As the child is still in the learning stage, sometimes there may be instances where they will create a mess on the table, or throw a tantrum if the food is not his favorite. You should have the patience needed to handle the mess with utmost care without making your little one feel ashamed or guilty. Read through to arm yourself with the right tricks for handling picky preschooler.
Handling Messy Eaters
1. Change His Clothes
If he is wearing some good clothes, changing them before a meal can prevent them from getting dirty.
2. Keep the Meal Time Short
The shorter the meal time, the less likely he is to mess with his food. Make sure your child is hungry before you serve him as this will make him eat more and waste less. Similarly, ensure that you take away the food plate as soon as you see him stop eating.
3. Serve Less
The less you serve him, the less he will spill or throw. Let him ask you for more food, then serve the required amount in his plate. This will prove to be beneficial in reducing his messing-with-food habits.
4. Break the Food for Him
Provide considerably small pieces of bread, vegetables or fruits during meal time as they are easy for the kid to eat and will also attract him, as he can hold them and put in his mouth on his own.
What to Expect from Messy Eaters
Like so many other baffling habits, messing with food seems to be the favourite game of such kids. Studies have shown that playing with food is one of the best ways of development and learning to identify different foods quickly.
Expect the following from your messy eater:
Dropping food on the floor if he doesn't like it
Digging his mouth and hands in the food
Splashing his meal as he finds it amusing
Playing with it, in case he is not hungry or is full
He will definitely mess his clothes while digging into juicy food items like melons, mangoes, oranges and more
Thus, patience is the key to handle messy eaters. While some kids may deliberately mess with food, others use it as a way of learning and growing. Deal with your messy eater with love, and he will learn to eat properly, much faster than your expectation. Read more
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Is It Baby Blues Or Postpartum Depression?
Giving birth to a baby and taking care of him is not easy. It can be quite stressful for you, both physically and emotionally. Considering the changes that accompany childbirth - new responsibilities, sleep deprivation, fatigue and no time to look after yourself - you are likely to go on an emotional coaster ride as the hormones that helped you through your pregnancy will immediately change post delivery. Your hormones and emotions are closely related, and a sudden change can cause mood swings that can be overwhelming. Nearly 80% of mothers experience this state, commonly known as the ‘Baby Blues’. It’s perfectly normal to experience it, and if the symptoms don’t go away in a few weeks or get worse, it may be an indication of postpartum depression.
How to Differentiate Between Postpartum Depression and the Baby Blues?
Post-childbirth, your hormone levels change significantly. The drop in estrogen and progesterone levels and changes in metabolism, immune system functioning and blood pressure can trigger postpartum depression or baby blues. Physical changes to the body and the stress of coping with changes in your life after being a new mother can also add to the problem. Most women experience at least a few of the symptoms of baby blues soon after childbirth. Initially, the symptoms of baby blues and postpartum depression are almost similar, such as mood swings, sadness, crying jags, irritability and insomnia. For a better understanding of the two, here is a breakdown of postpartum depression and baby blues:
Signs of Baby Blues
Feeling tearful unexpectedly is the first sign of baby blues. This is something that starts a few days after giving birth; the pregnancy hormones subside and are on their way out while your breast milk is steadily rising. You would feel a need to weep at even the most trivial things happening to you or around you. Therefore have the tissues at hand and let it all out when you feel the need.
You may also snap at your loved ones now and then. Unlike the ideal mom you planned on being from day one, you’ll find yourself irritable and snap at everyone around you. As your body prepares for some major physical changes and sleep deprivation hits you, it is natural to get annoyed at simple errors the people around you make. Try not to worry about the years of motherhood ahead of you and get some rest.
You will be exhausted but unable to sleep; the ongoing stress will keep you from falling asleep. Your mother or friend probably warned you about this, and now this will happen to you. You won't be able to sleep whenever you want because you'll have to take care of your little one, even when your body is demanding for rest. This is a most common experience with baby blues that mothers experience.
You may feel anxious or worried. When you look back at the stress, you felt at work, or when you moved to a new house, it wouldn't be even close to what you'll feel now. Even though your baby is safe and healthy, and your childbirth went well, yet you'll feel anxious about the smallest things. In this case, blame it on baby blues. It can make you more worried and anxious for no reason at all.
Baby blues will make it harder for you to concentrate, and you may become more forgetful. This is also very common as your house will be filled with visitors and you'll have a hard time following any conversation. You may also find it hard to focus and become more forgetful of things. This all part of the changes you’re going through and will pass as things start to settle in a few weeks.
Signs of Postpartum Depression
At first, the signs of postpartum depression (PPD) are very similar to baby blues; they can also present themselves a little stronger. However first-time moms can easily miss the difference. The most common symptoms are mood swings, insomnia, irritability, crying, and sadness.
One the most characteristic marker of the onset of PPD is the length of time that it lasts. While baby blues last from a few days to a week, PPD becomes apparent only after a few weeks. It can stay for months when left untreated.
The stark difference between baby blues and PPD are suicidal thoughts. Having feelings of harming yourself or harming the baby or if you experience irrational fears of your baby being harmed, are all major red flags.
PPD may make you fearful of normal things that happen with babies, and you may start thinking that it is your entire fault and you are not doing well enough a job as a mother.
Withdrawal from your partner or being unable to attend to and bond with your baby is another sign of postpartum depression.
Another sign of postpartum depression is feelings of anxiety that prevent you from functioning during the day or sleeping at night even when the baby is doing well. It could also be accompanied by feelings of hopelessness and an impending sense of doom.
You may also feel worthless. They might also change into thoughts preoccupied with death or wishing to be dead.
You may lose interest in activities that you once enjoyed.
A history of postpartum depression where the symptoms are similar to the last time.
Postpartum psychosis is a rare but much more severe problem that can develop after childbirth. It is primarily characterised by the loss of touch with reality accompanied by the risk of suicide or infanticide. Some of its symptoms include bizarre behaviour, delusions, hallucinations, extreme anxiety or agitation, disorientation, inability to eat and risk of harmful behaviour toward self or baby.
If you notice that your symptoms last for more than a few weeks, immediately consult a doctor because it might be postpartum depression.
Also Read: Help New Mums to Fight Postnatal Depression Read more
Dr. Minal Acharya has added a new answer
Expecting Mom due in 5 months
6 hours ago
Q. Hii...., Is it safe to eat jackfruit in 4th month of pregnancy, daily 2 ...
Dr. Minal Acharya
Nutritionist
6 hours ago
A. dear mam, you can eat jackfruit during the 4th month of pregnancy. there is no problem in having it. you can eat all types of seasonal vegetables and fruits even green leafy vegetables.
shahin has added a new answer
Expecting Mom due in 2 months
5 hours ago
Q. is that positive result??? my Due date is tommoro I am having vomitting and nausea and back pain etc please reply asap
shahin
Mom of a 6 m old boy
4 hours ago
A. yes
Dr Laxmi Chavan-Sawant has added a new answer
Guardian of 0 children
4 hours ago
Q. Hi I'm in 23weeks pregnancy
my afi is 26 I have no diabetes or any other issues
is that risky ? what to do for making normal delivery possible
Dr Laxmi Chavan-Sawant
Ayurvedic Gynaecologist
4 hours ago
A. yes AFI level is very high and yes you need to be very careful to have regular follow up with your doctor take the precautions advised by your doctor and regularly keep a watch on baby movements
Dr Laxmi Chavan-Sawant has added a new answer
Guardian of 0 children
4 hours ago
Q. nasal congestion during 9th week pregnancy is normal or something serious?
Dr Laxmi Chavan-Sawant
Ayurvedic Gynaecologist
4 hours ago
A. it's ok . take steam twice daily or you can use nasal drops
You should have proper consultation with your treating doctor , as some examination or investigations may be needful, so that proper medications can be given And the treatment can be done very properly.
Rashmi has added a new answer
Expecting Mom due in 5 months
2 hours ago
Q. Is there any issue with this test
Rashmi
Mom of a 9 yr 7 m old girl
2 hours ago
A. You have not given any details about us to what test are you talking about or anything associated with that for that matter can you please repost your question with all the necessary details required to understand your question as accordingly I can assist you on that
Dr Vandan H Kumar has added a new answer
Guardian of 0 children
42 mins ago
Q. my baby is 8years old and she wets bed can anyone suggest me what to do??
Dr Vandan H Kumar
Paediatrician
42 mins ago
A. normally bedwetting is very common during the night time and the child is able to tell you regarding urination during the daytime.
usually this problems improves with increasing age of the child and usually no medicines are given until and unless recommended by the doctor( you can easily wait for ten years of age of the child)
usually treatment of medicines (if started) gives only symptomatic relief and the problem goes away only with increasing age with the strengthening of the muscles of the bladder which control the urination.
steps
decrease the amount of water intake just before going to bed and make the child pass urinex before going to sleep.
also you can wake up the child at around 2 o'clock 3 o'clock and make the child pass urine.
never criticizex the child for this act because this will again aggravate the problem due to stress.
meet your doctor who will tell you more regarding this .
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