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9 Big Reasons For Differences Between Husband-Wife After Childbirth
A lot of things change after the arrival of a baby. And while we believe in things like 'change is the only constant', actually dealing with it can get unnerving. Here are the 9 top-most reasons why most couples fight after the arrival of their little munchkin.
9 Reasons Couples Fight after Having a Baby
1. Postpartum Depression
The statistics on mental illnesses like depression and mood swings are a definite eye-opener, and a good reason to take postpartum depression seriously. Studies show that postpartum depression affects women more than we realise, and it has also been suggested that husbands of such women are twice as likely to suffer from postpartum depression too. (Yes, men suffer from PPD too.) While depression manifests in many behavioural ways, one of the common symptoms is constant friction with near and dear ones.
2. Misdirected Frustration
A lot of things change when you have a baby. But the most unnerving change for any mother is that suddenly there is so much happening. A baby is not in a position to comply with what you want. In fact, many believe that you are blessed with just the baby you deserve!
Jokes apart, a lot of the frustration about the baby that the mother cannot vent out properly, get misdirected towards the husband, causing quite a lot of friction between the couple.
3. Sleep Deprivation
Babies mean a lot of work – feeding, bathing, caring for them, tending to their needs can very much occupy a mother's entire day, and many times the night too. In such a situation, she is definitely going to be sleep-deprived. Even for a mother who is getting enough sleep, the quality of the sleep matters. Once a mother, she cannot really rest well unless she knows her baby is absolutely well taken care of. And we all know the effects of lack of sleep.
A stressed out, tired woman, can get angry and snap at things rather easily – and then the poor husband has to bear the brunt!
4. Intimacy Issues
One of the effects of having a baby is that most women become preoccupied with the baby. Even when the baby is sleeping or resting, in their minds mothers keep on thinking about the baby – what to feed her when she wakes up, sterilising her feeding bottles, etc. How and when is such a woman going to find time to be with her husband? Lack of sex can lead to real ugly fights between couples, and the birth of a baby increases the chances of such a situation arising.
5. The Burden of Expectations
Most women in India are expected to simply rise to the occasion and become exemplary icons of motherhood as soon as the baby is put in their arms in the hospital for the first time. However, a lot of women will confess to having felt completely clueless even after several months of having first held their baby.
However, our culture does not allow its women to feel their way around – let alone talk about – this very natural and common emotion. The result? Women feel crushed by the burden of expectations. Without an outlet for their feelings, they are bound to feel restricted, constrained, and in turn end up fighting with the one person they can vent in front of – their husbands.
6. Time Mismanagement
Many a times, having a tiny human being that constantly needs your attention can become overwhelming. In the bargain, women forget about taking care of themselves, and often times also forget that there are other people around them that also need them. Time mismanagement is a very common reason why couples end up fighting after having a baby. Both partners feel their partner is not giving them enough time and/or attention – and this becomes a common breeding ground for disputes.
7. The Grandparents
One of the most excited party in the family that is eagerly looking forward to the arrival of a baby are the grandparents. They want someone they can fuss over, someone they can spoil. Having raised their own children, they have certain notions about child-rearing, parenting, and how children should be disciplined. More often than not, they also end up giving in to their grandchildren, more and more often than they did with their own kids. They may also want to do things differently.
All of these become conflict points not just for the husband and wife, but for the entire family.
8. Finances
Having a baby is an expensive affair. From diapers, to baby clothes, formula feed, toys, prams, swaddles, highchairs, baby hygiene products... the list of things needed never ends. In fact, with each month, it only keeps on expanding. A lot of times this can become reason for conflict between a couples. Both partners may think of different ways in which they can cut costs, and either partner may not agree with the others point of view.
9. Parenting Styles
While this one may become an issue comparatively later in time, it continues to remain one for a long time, sometimes even till the child is well into her teens. Having come from different family backgrounds, both husband and wife can have rather radically different approaches to parenting – especially with respect to disciplining their child. One may want to be kind and gentle, the other may be a staunch believer of 'spare the rod, spoil the child'.
So, these were the main reasons for husband-wife arguments and disagreements after childbirth. They can daunt the most loving and supportive of couples!
When feeling low and in doubt about your marriage at this crucial juncture of life, just remember this: it is a learning experience for the both of you, and you are both growing together. Your baby is a symbol of your love and will bring you closer, not take you apart. Give things some time, reach out to each other and share your thoughts and concerns. This too shall pass. :) Read more
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12 Tips for First-Time Moms
Being a first-time mom has its own set of challenges as you get introduced to a lot of new things, ranging from breastfeeding to soothing a crying baby. Though with patience and right information, you can make it a fulfilling experience.
“You have already accomplished one challenging task of giving birth to your baby with ease, and now the second—the daunting task of raising your little one is unnerving you. You must have thought that once your baby comes out - all will be fine, but as you embark on the journey of motherhood, you realise that you have no idea about taking care of that delicate, trusting creature who is lying peacefully in his brand new crib. His tiny hands and beautiful face have already enchanted you and all you can think of is how do you prevent him from any unforeseen harm?”
If you can relate to this, then you must be embracing motherhood for the first time thinking these thoughts play only in your head, though that’s not true. These are generally the thoughts dominating the minds of almost all first-time moms. But, there is no need to worry. Every mother feels nervous about managing a fragile newborn. However, with time and patience, you will learn to take the best care of him. Each passing day will help you to understand the signs of hunger, drowsiness, reasons for crying etc. And you will soon be a pro.
Most Common Worries of New Moms
As your little one depends on you for everything, your responsibility increases. Your one wrong action can hurt your child and this thought makes you all the more nervous. Here are some common fears experienced by all new moms. It is alright to worry, just remember to not allow it to overpower you.
What’s Wrong with My Baby?
As you settle into your parenting routine, you will notice that your baby cries frequently. In the initial months, you will be unable to fathom why your baby is crying. Whenever he cries, you will wonder if something is wrong with him. You will be constantly worried about his eating and sleeping habits. These thoughts will rule your head and you will live in this perpetual fear of not being good enough for your child. But, do not stress yourself. Talk to your parents or any experienced moms. Learn from their experiences and devise new ways to soothe your child.
Am I Breastfeeding Right?
As a first-time mom, you will be asking this question to yourself a lot. Breastfeeding is a new experience and almost all women face problem in breastfeeding in the first few days of childbirth. Sometimes babies don’t latch properly, if they do, then they won’t suck- and that's alright. Many new moms also get worried if their babies reject the breastmilk. They start thinking of alternatives to breastmilk. If you also have such doubts in your mind, then do not think twice before reaching out to a doctor. Ask her about breastfeeding positions and how frequently should a baby be breastfed. Get your doubts answered and you will feel a lot better.
Taking Care of The Baby
Clipping your baby’s nails, bathing him, looking after him when he is sick, satisfying his needs - all this can make you feel nervous. Taking care of a newborn is not hard, it is just an overwhelming experience and it is something you will learn as the time passes. You must be strictly adhering to a lot of ‘Dos and Don'ts’ from a parenting book while taking care of your little one, but sometimes all you need to do is follow your maternal instincts. Trust your parenting skills and you will cater to all the needs of your baby confidently.
Baby Poop
A baby’s pooping schedule also becomes a cause of concern for new moms. A baby’s pooping cycle is not constant. In the first few days, a baby can poop frequently or he may not poop for days. An irregular pooping routine of your little one can disturb you. An infant’s poop colour can also change which is even more frightening for a new mom. But there is no need to panic, you can always consult a doctor for the same.
Baby Spitting
If your baby spits up some milk after you breastfeed him do not panic as it is normal for a baby to spit up milk after being breastfed. What you can do is, pat his back and make him burp after breastfeeding him. However, if your baby is spitting milk and not gaining enough weight or not growing properly, you should seek a doctor, as it may be a sign of gastroesophageal reflux disease (GERD).
12 Tips to Help First Time Moms
Being a mom is not an easy task. As a new mom, you will experience many challenges and you will be tired. But here are some baby care tips for new moms to make your journey easier.
1. Prepare a Checklist
Make a checklist of all the items that you will require for baby care and nursing. Ensure you stock enough before he arrives home. Do include things that would be essential for you while nursing him, like nursing pillows, nursing bras, etc.
2. Get Breastfeeding Right
In the first few months of birth, make sure you breastfeed your baby. Breastmilk is nutritious and will help in boosting the immune system of your baby. Feed him at regular intervals, i.e. for at least 8 to 12 times a day. Do not bottle feed him before three months, unless there is no other option.
3. Handle with Care
A newborn’s body is delicate and needs to be handled with utmost care. When you hold him in your arms, hold and support the head first with one hand as it is the heaviest part of the body, rest it in the cove of your elbow and then use your other arm to scoop up his bottom. You will need to switch hands at regular intervals. Make sure that one hand is always supporting the baby's head, even when you hold him upright overlooking the shoulder. You may also seek advice from your doctor in this regard.
4. Trim Nails Regularly
Trim your nails regularly. The skin of your baby is very delicate and he might get hurt if you have long nails. In addition, you must trim his nails as well, at regular intervals, as he might scratch his own face. However, do it cautiously and while the baby is sleeping.
5. Bond with Your Baby
Try to bond with your baby in the first few days as it is believed that initial bonding is everlasting. Develop an emotional connection with your baby. There are three ways to bond with your little one: skin-to-skin contact, eye contact, and responding to a baby’s needs. Skin-to-skin contact involves cradling your baby in your arms and gently stroking his back and tummy. Breastfeeding also encourages skin-to-skin contact. While breastfeeding, make sure your baby’s eyes are open so that he will look in your eyes. As your baby looks into your eyes, he gets familiar with you and this helps you two bond. It is also important that you take care of your child’s emotional needs to strengthen the bond.
6. Soothe Your Crying Baby
Crying is the only way of communicating for newborns, be it for when they are hungry or are facing any discomfort. With some observation, you will be able to understand what your baby is trying to convey. A baby may cry because:
He is hungry.
He has soiled his diaper.
He needs to be swaddled.
He is bored and wants to be entertained.
He wants to suck on something.
He is tired and wants to sleep.
He is feeling hot or cold.
He just wants to cry.
7. Choose Baby Products Wisely
Your baby’s skin is sensitive and prone to rashes and irritation. It is recommended that you use baby skin care products only while giving him a bath or changing his nappies. Baby care products you use should be free of strong artificial fragrances, harsh cleansing agents, and any other unnecessary additives that could irritate the baby’s skin or trigger allergies. Ask your doctor about the best hypoallergenic brands to avoid skin rashes or other related problems.
8. Go for Comfortable Clothes
When selecting clothes for your baby, ensure that they are soft, stretchable, and easy to wear. Stock some extra regular wear and get some plus size clothes as your baby will grow faster than you may even realize.
9. Baby Cleaning Basics
Your baby is expected to pee or poop at least 8 to 10 times a day depending on the number of times he is fed. Ensure he does not wear a soiled diaper for long. Change it immediately as soon as you sense a dirty diaper. A soiled diaper may not only make him feel uneasy but may also lead to infections. Use soft baby wipes to clean him and diaper rash cream before you put on a diaper on him.
10. Set a Schedule for Your Baby
Make a schedule for your baby. See to it that he feeds, sleeps, and poops at regular intervals. Do not let him doze off at odd timings as this will mean that you go sleepless at night.
11. Seek Help
Initially, taking care of your baby will be difficult for you. You will not be familiar with many things Raising a child is not easy but don’t worry as you will learn with time. However, there is no harm in seeking help when you need it. Take advice from experienced people, like your mother or grandmother. They can guide you if you face any problem in breastfeeding or suggest home remedies if your baby is sick. You can even hire a full-time help to take care of your baby in the initial months.
12. Look for The Signs of Over Stimulation
Babies’ cries are generally mistaken for signs of hunger or lack of sleep. However, not always this is true. Babies may even cry when over stimulated. Playtime is essential for a baby, but too many activities can result in overstimulation. If your baby is overstimulated, it will be difficult for you to settle him down; he will be overtired and may cry. If your baby is overwhelmed, take him to a quiet place and talk to him in a soothing voice.
Remember, planning a schedule is important, it will help both you and the baby in the long run. There are numerous things that you need to take care of when you bring your newborn home. No matter it’s your first time, it’s an experience of a lifetime that you will remember and cherish always. Read more
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Importance of Talking to your Toddler
Talking to your child is important because it equips your child to have a healthy relationship with you, and it also assists him to imbibe the requisite social skills at an early age.
Your little one shows interest in interacting more often by this time, and you can take cues on enhancing conversations with her through friendly talks, increased social exposure, and interactive activities and games. The advantages of talking to your child are numerous. Some of these include:
Nurturing the Parent-Child Bond
Talking to your child is an important way of bonding. Lots of encouraging and positive talk will help you build a strong and lifelong bond with your child.
Equipping your Child to Build Relationships
Talking is the way in which we build relationship with others. This is why talking to your child equips him with the necessary skills for building healthy relationships, while also imparting critical social skills . As a parent, you are the first point of contact your child has with the world. Listen carefully as you talk, and allow your child to take turns while conversing with her.
Boosting your Child's Vocabulary
Talking to your child is the best way to introduce him or her to new words. Research studies have shown that by the age of 3, conversant children from talkative families have around 30 million more words directed to them as compared to those from less talkative families.
Strong Foundation for Further Reading and Learning
Talking prepares your child for reading, learning and holding conversations in the future. All of these are necessary for success at school, college and professional life.
Fostering Trust and Interaction
It is natural for us as human beings to talk the most to those we trust. We are likely to share our physical and emotional needs with those we talk to, and this helps us to interact positively with people around us. Communicating with your child helps foster that trust, and encourages interaction.
Likewise, talking freely encourages the expression of disagreement and teaches a child the importance of respecting someone else’s point of view, without getting into a conflict. Talking to your children teaches them this important lesson of voicing ones opinion in an argument assertively.
How to Interact with Your Child
As parents, grandparents or caregivers, you can start talking to your child when he or she is a baby. You can begin in the following ways:
Imitating facial expressions and sounds
Talking when changing a diaper
Story telling
Showing picture books/photos and talking about pictures
Asking questions
Singing
Praising and appreciating
You can communicate with slightly older kids by
Actively reading to/with your child
Using puppets or toys to play games and communicate
Applauding and appreciating good behaviour or achievements by clapping and talking
Singing along
Taking a walk in the park or go to the beach, and encourage your child to point at things like trees, animals, plants, flowers and name and explore them.
There is no one way of going about talking to your child. You have to choose what works best for you. It is important for parents to realize the importance of talking as an important aspect of child development. Connecting with your child through lots of loving talk will help you forge a strong relationship with him/her.
Talking to your child is the best way to introduce him or her to new words. Research studies have shown that by the age of 3, conversant children with expressive families will have around 30 million more words directed at them, as compared to those from less talkative families.
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भावी जीवन की सफलता और संबंधों को मधुर बनाने हेतु कुछ टिप्स
एक रिश्ते में बहुत सी बातें ऐसी होती हैं, जिन्हें दूसरों की नजरों से बचाकर रखना ही बेहतर होता है। कुछ लोग ऐसे भी होते हैं, जिन्हें अपने रिश्ते की बड़ाई करने में मजा आता है, जबकि वह दिखावा मात्र ही होता है, वास्तविक स्थिति कुछ और होती है । कई बार उनका ऐसा करना गलत भी हो सकता है, तो मैं यहाँ पर ऐसी बातें आप सभी से साझा कर रहीं हूँ जिन्हें जानने के पश्चात आप अपनी व्यक्तिगत बातें खास दोस्तों से भी साझा नहीं करेंगे तो आप अपने रिश्ते को मजबूत बना पायेंगे।
यह विषय मैंने आजकल के युवाओं के लिए चुना है। वर्तमान में अधिकतर यह देखा गया है कि नवयुवाओं मेंं वैवाहिक जीवन के प्रारंभ में ही कुछ कठिनाईयों का सामना करना पड़ता है और जिसके परिणामस्वरूप या तो प्रतिदिन मतभेद होते हैं या कभी तो नौबत तलाक तक भी पहुंच जाती है, इसलिए जहां तक संभव हो अपने बेस्ट फ्रेंड को रिश्ते से जुड़ी ये निम्नलिखित बातें कभी भी ना बताएं ।
१. लड़ाई-झगड़े - जब हम उदास और दुखी होते हैं तो किसी से अपने दिल की बात साझा करना चाहते हैं, लेकिन अपनी इस नोंक-झोंक के बारे में अपने दोस्तों को बताना अच्छी बात नहीं है। आप दोनों तो कुछ समय के बाद सामान्य हो जाएंगे, लेकिन दोस्त आपकी इस बात को लंबे समय तक याद रखेंगे और वे आपके पीठ-पीछे मजाक भी उड़ा सकते हैं और बुराई भी कर सकते हैं। इस मामले में दोस्तों पर विश्वास रखना बिल्कुल भी सही नहीं है। जो भी नोंक-झोंक दोनों में हुई है, "उसे आपसी बातचीत से सुलझाने का ही प्रयास किया जाना, एक बेहतरीन उपाय है"।
२. पैसों की समस्या- आप अपने पार्टनर की पीठ-पीछे जितनी भी बुराईयां करेंगे, भविष्य में आपको उतनी ही कठिनाइयों का सामना करना पड़ सकता है । यदि आपका पार्टनर आर्थिक समस्या झेल रहा है, तो इस संबंध में कोई भी बात अपने दोस्तों को बताने की कोई आवश्यकता नहीं है। ये आदतें आपकी पर्सनैलिटी तो खराब करेेंगी, और तो और आपकी इमेज भी मतलबी इंसान की बना देंगी ।
३. व्यक्तिगत समस्याएं- अपने दोस्तों के साथ सकारात्मक रवैए की उम्मीद में अपने पार्टनर की कभी भी व्यक्तिगत समस्याओं की भूलकर भी चर्चा नहीं करें। यदि आपके पार्टनर के परिवार में कुछ बुरा हुआ है, तो उस बात को अपने तक ही रखें, क्योंकि उन्होंने आप पर भरोसा करके वह जानकारी आपसे साझा की है।
४. पूर्व रिलेशनशिप- अपने पार्टनर के पुराने रिलेशनशिप के बारे में कोई भी बातें ना करें, ऐसा करना सिर्फ नकारात्मकता को बढ़ावा देगा। उन्हें केवल आप पर भरोसा है, इसलिए तो यह सारी बातें आपको पता चल सकीं । अपने दोस्तों के साथ इसकी गपशप करके उनका भरोसा हरगिज नहीं तोड़े। अपने पार्टनर के भरोसे को कायम रखना सिर्फ आपके ही हाथ में है, इसलिए उनका भरोसा बनाए रखें ।
५. शिकायतें- यदि आपकी रिलेशनशिप आपकी उम्मीदों के मुताबिक नहीं चल रहा है, तो उसकी शिकायत लेकर अपने दोस्तों के पास नहीं जाएं । अगर आप हर छोटी-बड़ी बात के लिए परेशान होकर ऐसा करेंगे, तो अापके दोस्त आपको परेशानी में देखकर आपको पार्टनर को छोड़ने की सलाह देेंंगेे, और वह आपके लिए अच्छा परिणाम नहीं होगा। आप जो भी परेशानी झेल रहे हैं, उसके बारे में अपने पार्टनर से ही बात करें और परेशानी का हल निकाल कर सुलह करना चाहिए।
६. पार्टनर की तुलना- अगर आप यह नहीं चाहते हैं कि आपके करीबी दोस्त आपके पार्टनर के बारे में गलत और बुरा सोचें, तो उनके सामने अपने पार्टनर की तुलना ना करें। जिंदगी में उतार-चढाव आते रहते हैं, लेकिन इसका यह मतलब नहीं है कि आप एक्स की तारीफ और मौजूदा पार्टनर की बुराई करें ।
मैं इसी क्रम में आपके समक्ष एक सकारात्मक बात साझा करना चाहूंगी कि संगीत सुनना या उससे किसी भी तरह से नाता रखना आपके संबंधों के लिए फायदेमंद है। यह बात एक शोध में सामने आई है और इसमें यह भी पता चला है कि तेज आवाज में गाने सुनने से आपका वैवाहिक जीवन और अधिक बेहतरीन हो जाता है। इसलिए म्यूजिक आपके दांपत्य जीवन को मजबूत बनाने में सहायक है।
इसलिए समस्त पाठकों से मैं यही निवेदन करती हूं कि संबंधों को बनाए रखने के लिए मस्त मनपसंद संगीत सुनिए, इससे बेहतर और कोई दोस्त हो ही नहीं सकता है। अपने रोजाना के कार्य को मस्त संगीत सुनते हुए पूर्ण करने की कोशिश करें।
धन्यवाद आपका।
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Contribution – Red Flags to watch during Development – Do not ignore these sign as this can detect Development challenge at an early age
What to look out for during Development which indicates that there might be some underlying cause which may be an early sign for developmental delay or indicating that your infant is not growing as expected.
These early signs are usually ignored or overlooked by parents untill they become prominent enough to hamper active participation of children in life related activity essential for growth and development.
These are Red Flags for Development which indi ate that tbere is some underlying cause which is causing distortions in typical developmental process.
0 to 3 Months
Feeding difficulty
Turning Head to one side only
Strong preference for posture
Falt back or head
Decrease movement to one side of body
Arching of body/Back
Stiff body or floppy
Premature baby
Lack of social smile
4 to 6 Months
Arching of Body
Keeping hands clenched tightly
Shifting weight unevenly or putting weight on only one side of Body
Limited movements exhibited
Limited toy preference
No eye contact
7 to 9 Months
Inability to bring hands together
Unable to sit upright
Difficulty bearing weight on hands or arms
Uninterested in moving and exploring the surroundings
Asymmetrical use of body
Sitting with wide legs or W-Sitting
Self involved
Does not interact much with family members
No eye contact
10 to 12 Months
Lack of variability in movement
Lack of desire to move
Strong preference for using one side of Body
Consistent asymmetrical movement pattern
Consistently moving on toes
Struggling with grasping and releasing objects
Lack of interaction with others in family
Repeatative behaviour pattern
If your child is struggling with these difficulties then one should immediately check with pediatricians or Occupational Therapists or child psychiatrist or child neurologist.
Identifying the cause behind these uneven developmental pattern at an early age can be very useful in treating the child to prevent secondary challenges in lifes later years.
Dr.Varnita Khanna
Occupational Therapist
https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCMy99icaEoDkF_U4L7wFf3Q
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