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12 Signs You Definitely Have a High-needs Baby
Most mothers of babies with high-needs don't realise that their munchkins are difficult to take care of, until they encounter other moms and their oh-so-ordinary babies. If you've schedule goes haywire and your world keeps changing every day, then here's the news breaker - you have a high-needs baby.
Today, we will tell you about the signs of a high-maintenance babies.
Common Characteristics of a High-needs Baby
From screaming out of nowhere to not napping at all, here are 12 tell-tale signs of a high-needs baby that you must watch out for.
1. He is Never Silent
If you put your baby on the floor or bed and go to another room for a few minutes, your baby cries like anything until you come back to the room and take him in your arms, then he is a high-needs baby. Sometimes, he may keep crying even after you have taken him in your arms. His cries increase by the hour, day-after-day. Sometimes you just wish you had earmuffs, but hey - they're not going to help you for long.
2. He Always Wants To Move
Stillness is not his forte. You have to cradle him in your arms or constantly take him out for walks on strollers. Such babies, if you stop for a single minute, they get cranky. The best advice we can give is to buy a baby tricycle or a swing or any sort of product that gets them to move.
3. He Always Wants Mommy
High-Maintenance baby may choose one parent almost always and it's usually the mom. Sometimes, he may ask for his dad, but the chances are rare. This means moms will have a tough time since they'll be expected to hold the baby and keep munchkins near them all the time. Get a baby carrier to free up your hands since this phase won't be stopping anytime soon. You can trust us on that.
4. He Hates Overstimulation
Although high-needs babies are hyperactive, they don't appreciate it when their environment becomes like them. What we mean is that they don't like a crowd, noisy rooms, and a lot of people smiling and greeting them. If you're having a gathering in the house or going out to busy places, make sure to have a babysitter or someone to take care of him. Yes, the crying will be there, but it'll be less. Try to make sure the next day is peaceful though since he’ll be craving calm after the crying and noises.
5. Sleep Times Are Chaotic
This is a clear tell-tale sign. Most normal babies have a regular sleeping schedule and some take naps frequently too. But no, not a high-maintenance one. Sometimes he may sleep around 5 pm to 6 pm while at other times, he may sleep at 3 am. The time when he will sleep cannot be predicted, but one thing's for sure - when you expect him to fall asleep he’ll stay awake and vice versa. And that's not easy to deal with.
6. He doesn't Accept Formula Milk
High-maintenance babies always want to be breastfed. They don't take no for an answer and they shove away the milk formula when you hand it to them. The breastfeeding tendency has more to do with comfort rather than hunger. Constantly breastfeeding makes them feel as if they're closer to the parent, and warm and safe. It's a basic human contact or an instinctive desire to feel protected. But for moms, your days are going to get more tiring on the other hand.
7. He Wants Stimulation
We just mentioned a few pointers ago that these babies hate stimulation, which is true, but only when it comes from the outside or is directed towards them. But when it comes to themselves, they want it. Some days your baby may want a quiet day with low ambient lighting in the house. Other days, he may want to move around, crawl room to room, or destroy those fancy baby toys you got for him.
8. He will Never Stay Alone
Your baby may also never stay alone. Even if you have to use the bathroom, he might come along. Whether you go to your fitness centre, to a friend's house, or just grocery shopping, your little munchkin may make your life miserable unless you take him with you.
9. He Doesn't Know How To Self-Soothe
High-needs babies have higher needs when it comes to soothing themselves. Pacifiers, baby toys, and flashy and colourful stuff that you show him won't work. The best way to soothe is the old-fashioned way with mom and dad by his side.
10. He Poops Randomly
Normal babies show you signs and go red-faced right before they're about to poop. Their bowel movements are like clockwork, but the same cannot be said for high-need babies. They'll soil their diapers and wet their beds without warning. If there's one thing that's clockwork about them - it's their erratic pooping routines.
11. He Hates To Be Swaddled
Most babies love being swaddled. It takes them back to their days inside the womb and makes them feel warm, comfy, and cosy. But high-needs babies may not like being swaddled. If you've tried to swaddle your baby in breezy or cosy material, you'll notice him throwing a fuss. The best solution is to make sure the carrier has room to move his legs around and lets them dangle.
12. His Cries Incessantly If His Needs Aren't Met
This is the clearest sign you've got a high-needs baby. His needs take precedence over everything else in your life. And if you don't attend to him, your life becomes a living nightmare since the cries and outbursts get louder to the point of insanity. You'll also sometimes feel as if he’s the one in control since everything goes at his pace, from feeding and sleeping to rocking and playing.
Don't worry, it won't last forever. The good news is high needs baby and intelligence traits are connected the more they mature!
How to Deal with Your High-needs Baby
Do you have a high-needs baby? Does he throw tantrum all the time? Here's how to deal with it.
1. Make Time for Yourself
Sometimes taking care of your high needs baby may zap the energy out of you. And you won't be able to take care of him if you don't take care of yourself first. The best way to go about this is to take him to the areas surrounded by greenery and people. Take him for a stroll in the park and let him interact with kids while you spend a few minutes meditating or simply breathing.
2. Be a "Yes" Mom
If your baby wants a diaper change, do it without fuss. If he wants to be breastfed, do it. For a few months agree to everything your baby wants. If you respond to your baby's needs rather than react, they'll get the message that you care. Wean off the "yes" responses and start saying no when it's inappropriate. Do this when they get a few months older though.
3. Learn to Read Cues
If your baby prefers specific foods and textures and cries when you give him formula, analyse that. Observe him. Find out what makes him happy and what makes him throw tantrums. Be patient with the process and learn his preferences.
4. Journal Your Feelings
Once your baby falls asleep and you get some time for yourself, journal your thoughts and feelings. Write down whatever you feel. Let everything out on paper. Try this brain-drain activity and you'll feel refreshed after the experience.
5. Hire a Babysitter
If you can find a babysitter who gets along with your baby, hire her. Let her take care of your munchkin few days of the week. You deserve some time off, after all.
6. Find a Support Group
Find a support group and meet like-minded moms who are going through the same trouble. You'll meet new people and find tips that work well for your high-needs baby.
7. Remember That Your Child is Unique
A high-needs baby is a unique baby. Don't compare him with the rest of the babies in the world. Treat your baby with a mindset that your little one is different and he needs special attention and care.
Putting in the time for your munchkin and attending to his needs will pay off in the long run. When the years pass by, you'll look back and actually start missing this time.
FAQs
Asking questions is healthy and indicates that you want to learn. Here are some frequently asked questions by our readers.
1. What Are the Reasons for a Baby To Be High Maintenance?
High-maintenance babies are more sensitive than other babies on an innate level. This causes them to cry as they crave more stimulation. One of the common reasons behind high-maintenance babies is emotional trauma during pregnancy or when the mother experienced a lot of stress prior to giving birth.
2. Is There a Difference Between Colicky and High-needs Baby?
Yes, a colicky baby cries for more than three hours a day while a high-needs baby may cry much more than that. The sleeping pattern of a high needs baby sleep timings are erratic too when compared to colicky munchkins and their behaviours are more unpredictable.
3. Do High-needs Babies Have Anxiety on Growing Up?
Not really. Most parents report saying that their high-needs babies grow up to become independent and fantastic individuals. Since you're caring for his needs constantly and giving him the love and affection a parent is meant to give, he'll grow up feeling secure and confident.
4. Why Does a High-needs Baby Need to Constantly Breastfeed?
This has more to do with the comfort aspect and the feeling of being close to you. It doesn't mean they're hungry because even if they're not, they'll still breastfeed to stay near you.
To conclude, high-needs babies just need more love and attention than the rest. Enjoy this time even if it feels hard because yes, there will be a day when you will miss it.
Also Read:
How to Make Life Easier with Newborn Baby
Why Babies Need to be Held All The Time
Effective Tips for Dealing With Crying Baby Read more
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Cry It Out - Sleep Training Method for Babies
Experts believe that the ability to fall asleep on their own is an important life skill that babies must know and the ‘crying it out method’ is a good approach to sleep training which does just that. The idea behind the cry it out method is that by the time babies are six months or older, they are aware that crying results in being picked up, rocked and comforted, which leads to poor sleep associations during bedtime. But the CIO method discourages that and babies give up crying before bedtime within four or five nights of undergoing this training and learn to sleep on their own.
What is Cry It Out Method?
Cry it out method (CIO) is a sleep training approach devised for babies in which they are allowed to cry for a specific period of time before being comforted by the parent. CIO involves a variety of approaches and is often misunderstood as an approach where a baby is let alone to cry for as long as it takes before falling asleep. More appropriately called ‘graduated extinction’; the idea behind it is to teach the baby to soothe herself to sleep when placed in bed without the presence of a parent.
What is the Ferber Method?
The Ferber method is the most popular of the CIO approaches. Developed by Dr. Richard Ferber to solve sleep problems in infants, the method became popular as Ferberizing after the publication of his book Solve your Child’s Sleep Problems in 1985. Ferber says that is it possible to teach babies to soothe themselves to sleep between the ages 3 and 5 months when they are physically and emotionally ready.
Benefits of Cry It Out Method
As opposed to popular belief, practising CIO method does not mean that you are a ‘bad parent’ for letting your baby cry uncontrollably. In fact, the method is practised in a set pattern and has clear how-tos of going about it. CIO also has several benefits, some of which are listed below:
1. Lesser Stress on Babies
In a recent study conducted on infants trained in the CIO method, researchers found lower levels of cortisol, also known as the stress hormone. Decreased stress levels correlated with better sleep throughout the night with less or no disturbance in between.
2. Good for the Parent’s Mental and Emotional Wellbeing
The same study tested for stress in parents, and found that not having to wake up at multiple times in the night to soothe their crying child, meant that the parents were lesser stressed as well. This improves their mental health and motivates them to be better at raising their infants.
3. Babies Fall Asleep Faster
CIO method starts showing results in a matter of days and after about a week of training, babies are known to fall asleep within 15 minutes of being in their crib. Experts believe that falling asleep alone is an important skill in life and the CIO makes it possible to develop that.
4. Does not Affect Baby’s Long-term Behaviour or Social Skills
Contrary to popular belief, cry it out trained babies show no difference in behavioural traits and social skills from their non-cry counterparts as shown by long-term analysis.
5. Recommended by the American Academy of Paediatrics
The American Academy of Paediatrics considers CIO methods for infant sleep training as safe and recommends it to parents and physicians to try it out.
Theory Behind Cry It Out Method
The theory behind why cry it out works for babies is that when given the opportunity, it is possible for babies to fall asleep on their own and is a skill that can be mastered in time. A baby who is rocked or nursed to sleep every day won’t learn to fall asleep on her own without these routines in place. This could be a problem when they wake up in the middle of the night as part of their regular sleep cycle. When they find that their parents are not around, it becomes a cause for concern and they stay awake and cry rather than going back to sleep.
On the other hand, babies trained in this method can soothe themselves to sleep when they wake up at night or during a nap. The method sees crying as a side effect and not the goal, as the baby gets used to sleeping on her own. At first, the training seems to make it worse, but the short-term discomfort endured by the baby and the parents is outweighed by the long-term benefits of a baby who sleeps effortlessly on her own and the parents getting a good night’s rest.
How Quickly Does the CIO Method Work?
Most parents who have tried the method report that it works steadily over three to four nights and babies fall asleep with fewer bursts of crying by the time the training reaches seven days.
Steps to Perform in Ferber Method
The method can be tried between the ages 4 and 6 months when the baby is physically and emotionally ready for a full night’s sleep.
Step 1: Place your baby in her crib while she is sleepy but still awake.
Step 2: Say goodnight to her and leave the room even if she is crying. Give it about 3 minutes and let her cry.
Step 3: Go back into the room while the lights are still off and pat your baby reassuringly with a quiet soothing voice for no more than two minutes. Leave the room again even if t she continues to cry.
Step 4: Follow the same routine, but this time stay out of the room a little longer before returning to reassure your baby and leaving while she is still awake or crying.
Step 5: Continue the routine with longer time intervals until your little one falls asleep while you’re out of the room.
Step 6: If your baby wakes up in the middle of the night and cries, restart the routine from the minimum time interval and repeating until the maximum interval for the night is achieved.
Step 7: Increase the time interval between each visit every day. In most cases, a baby goes to sleep on her own by the third or fourth night or a week at the most according to Ferber. If your baby is still resistant after a few days, give her a break for a few weeks and try again.
Ferber Method Chart
Day
First interval
Second Interval
Third and subsequent intervals.
One
3 min
5 min
10 min
Two
5 min
10 min
12 min
Three
10 min
12 min
15 min
Four
12 min
15 min
17 min
Five
15 min
17 min
20 min
Six
17 min
20 min
25 min
Seven
20 min
25 min
30 min
Ferber Method Alternatives
Ferber’s CIO method is extremely popular and effective in most cases. However, there are other methods available to help your baby sleep independently. Here are a few of them:
1. Modified Ferber Method
This variant of the Ferber method involves checking on the baby at every five minutes interval. Unlike the original Ferber method, the waiting time to soothe a baby is kept at a constant of five minutes until the baby falls asleep. It’s also called the controlled cry it out method as once the baby stops crying, the parent can check on the baby only when she cries again.
2. The No Tears Method
In this method, the baby is put in a crib and a parent sits next to the baby on a chair until she falls asleep. The following night, the parent sits a little further away from the crib. The distance is gradually increased every night and the chair is just left in the room eventually giving a false assurance to the baby that the parent is close to her watching.
3. The Sleep Lady Shuffle
This is a modification of the No Tears method in which the parent increases the distance of their chair to eventually placing it outside the door and yet sitting on it till the baby is asleep. The following night, the door is left open and the chair is left at the door, but the parent is not on it.
4. Bedtime Fading Method
The idea behind this method is that a tired baby sleeps better. The parents wait for the baby to be totally exhausted and fall asleep. The baby is then put in the crib and her sleep time is noted. This routine is repeated every day at the same time which sets up the baby’s schedule to sleep at the specified time and sleep without much fuss.
5. The Weissbluth Method
Perhaps the harshest of all the CIO methods, this method is similar to the Ferber method. The baby is put in her crib at the first sign of drowsiness and allowed to cry unattended no matter how distressing her cries are. The baby is left completely on her own to fall asleep.
Tips from Parents & Experts for Trying Cry It out Method
1. Discuss with your Partner and Develop a Plan
Both the parents need to be ready to cooperate and take turns to help each other out in the sleep training. It is best when both have enough time on their hands and are not caught up with work, business trips or visiting relatives that could upset the schedule. On the emotional front, both the partners need to have an understanding and how to proceed so they can support each other during rough patches.
2. Maintain a Bedtime Routine
With activities such as a bath, a lullaby or a book reading session, build activities up to the sleep time and maintain the routine so the child can get accustomed to it and fall asleep easily.
3. Prepare Yourself for Disappointments
Your baby may not be ready for the sleep training and it may not work initially. However, try again after a few weeks. There will be plenty of sleepless nights while the baby will wake up in the middle of the night and you will have to repeat the whole routine again.
4. Expect Relapses
Even when the baby is fully trained to sleep on a regular schedule, it might regress during times of illness or when travelling.
5. Stick to the Plan and Make It a Team Effort
Consistency is the key. Once the routine is established, it’s important to follow through unless the baby isn’t up to it physically or emotionally and then the training can be put on hold. Even when she wakes up in the middle of the night and the urge is strong to rock her to sleep, start over from square one. Discuss with your partner on taking turns and planning on what role each one of you plays during the training.
Do’s and Don’ts of Cry It Out
Do explore other methods of sleep training and try the existing CIO methods with variations that suit you and your baby. Since all babies are different, and the same approach may not work for all, try a modification that works.
Do make sure that the child isn’t crying for reasons such as hunger, pain or the need for a diaper change before bedtime.
Don’t try the method with babies younger than six months of age. It is better to start with other gentler approaches while they are young.
Don’t try CIO with babies that are sick or are teething. Babies tend to wake up in the middle of the night and the training would add to stress and anxiety.
Don’t force the baby to adapt to the sleep routine. They may need some time to adapt to it and if it doesn’t work the first time, give it a break and try again when they are a little older.
Drawbacks of Cry It Out
While there are pros and cons to this method, there isn’t enough research done either way to support or to contradict the CIO approach strongly. Some of the drawbacks of the method are:
1. It May Cause Brain Damage
Ignoring your baby’s cry might cause damage to the brain’s neurons which can lead to hypersensitivity due to trauma in the long run. Since infants need to be frequently touched and given plenty of attention, the lack of it could alter the way in which the nervous system functions.
2. Babies Could have Prolonged Stress
Another body of research which challenges the ‘low infant stress’ hypothesis shows that babies undergoing CIO sleep training have elevated levels of the stress hormone cortisol. This persists even after sleeping and can have negative repercussions on the baby during her waking hours.
3. Affects Relationship between Parent and Baby
Crying is the mode through which babies communicate many of their needs and if it doesn’t generate a positive response from the parents, the baby could develop a sense of detachment. The first two years are crucial for building a strong attachment with parents and detached infants could have insecurities growing up.
4. Could Affect Maternal Bonding
The CIO methods require mothers to override their maternal instincts to comfort their babies. This could lower her confidence in raising her child properly and erode the love and bonding between mother and child.
5. Could Increase the Risk of SIDS
The isolation of the CIO methods could increase the risk of Sudden Infant Death Syndrome (SIDS). Leaving an infant in a dark room with the door closed can lead to an unforeseen incident that can be fatal.
Can You Use CIO for Naps?
The Ferber method is primarily for night time sleep rather than naps during the day. As they get older, babies sleep less during the day. Therefore, the method is useful for a full night’s sleep and babies trained in CIO can nap on their own.
Can Baby Sleep With Pacifiers & Toys?
The Ferber method recommends against the use of toys or pacifiers or any other object that babies may identify with sleep. Toys also pose a choking hazard while the baby is left alone and increase the risk of SIDS. However, the American Academy of Paediatrics recommends the use of pacifiers during bedtime and the choice is entirely yours depending on what works well for your baby.
The cry it out method may not be suitable for all parents and babies, but it has been effective for many. Although hearing your baby cry for a long time can be torturous, a little pain initially can yield plenty of good night’s sleep for you and your baby.
Also Read: Baby Sleeping Position – What Is Safe? Read more
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Mothers, Open Up Your Heart and Talk!
Being a mother is simply an amazing phase, but it is equally tiring and frustrating too. A full-time investment of time and effort, not to mention money, the journey of a becoming a mother is arduous and one begins to experience it, the moment one conceives. The uneasy heaviness, upset stomach and pukish feeling often becomes an inseparable part of the entire pregnancy period. The arguments, in any way, should not be taken as something against having children as life without children is unimaginable and dull. But the objective is simply to drive home a point that hardly finds its way out of the hearts of mothers.
Once a woman becomes mother, her physical, mental and emotional state goes through uneven and unpredictable crests and troughs. Often, mothers are not aware of the burden of responsibilities that come along with a child and ultimately find themselves in the midst of a nightmare. With weak bodies, erratic schedule of the baby and sleeplessness, their lives change upside down and they find themselves unable to cope up with the situation.
The mother does all the daily chores with utmost care, yet deep within she is depressed and heart-broken as she finds herself alone. All her goals and ambitions begin to fade away. The simple chores like going out for a walk and speaking over the phone to a friend becomes intimidating. On top of it, there is hardly any personal time left to share with husband in order to burst out what’s within. All the friends that she could count on seem so distant and far. Nothing common in between them. Literally, there is no one whom she could consider her saviour. And most importantly she is not even allowed to feel that way. Cause that's not how it should be. Let alone discussing with someone and looking out for solutions, she starts considering herself the culprit.
The very thought of thinking about herself, makes her feel less human. Why? How she could think about herself, when she has a baby to take care? Fighting her inner thoughts, and finally crushing her own dreams, ambitions and missions, she develops a habit of finding flaws in herself and her thoughts.
Another mother becomes a victim of motherhood. Another independent identity finds herself trapped in the pressures of society. Everybody seems concerned for the newly born baby, which is necessary but hardly anyone shows that care and love required by this "newly born mother".
These are the hard talks that nobody wants to do. But we have to be honest, at least with ourselves. Just open up, talking about such real issues won’t make you a less of a mother.
Disclaimer: The views, opinions and positions (including content in any form) expressed within this post are those of the author alone. The accuracy, completeness and validity of any statements made within this article are not guaranteed. We accept no liability for any errors, omissions or representations. The responsibility for intellectual property rights of this content rests with the author and any liability with regards to infringement of intellectual property rights remains with him/her. Read more
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Expecting Mom due in 7 months
17 hours ago
Q. why I am getting dizziness in my pregnancy
I am going with 3rd month of my pregnancy it's a very strong dizziness I feel at times means every day .....no other symptoms of pregnancy .Please help with elaboration .All okay means isn't part of this journey.
Read moreSwati Kar Samanta
Mom of a 2 m old girl
7 hours ago
A. Do consult your doctor as soon as you can. It's important to find the real reason because without that, proper medication is not possible.
Dr Priyanka Kalra has added a new answer
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Q. I am currently 32 week pregnant and had growth scan recently.My baby is in cephalic presentation.does this change after 36 week or does this remain the same?
Dr Priyanka Kalra
Obstetrician and Gynaecologist
9 hours ago
A. usually fixed. better to show to specialist always as they get the correct diagnosis. try to avoid self and extra medication that will only complicate this and create more damage to the child
Rashmi has added a new answer
Guardian of 0 children
8 hours ago
Q. it's my 5 month n I still didn't went for check up yet not even once is it okay if I go now or?
Rashmi
Mom of a 9 yr 7 m old girl
7 hours ago
A. You should have started going from the very beginning itself once you get to know you’re pregnant but since you haven’t reached that now if you’re pregnancy has been healthy last five months please get it checked with your doctor also if you need to start with any supplements or diet the doctor would advise you after a ultrasound so please visit your gynaecologist
Dr Ghouse has added a new answer
Guardian of 0 children
4 hours ago
Q. size chart is not correct for age of the baby
Dr Ghouse
Paediatrician
4 hours ago
A. generally it is available from Indian academy growth chart download from Google. if there is no relief it is better you see your doctor for proper examination particularly physical examination if there is need for doing investigations to find out the problem and treatment ok
Nikitha has added a new answer
Guardian of 0 children
3 hours ago
Q. Mera 8 month start hu white distance hora mere ko
Nikitha
Mom of a 9 yr 5 m old boy
3 hours ago
A. hello since u are a expecting mom this would require a proper medical attention and it is better to check with your doctor and your doctor will be able to guide you better on examination of the same and advise you accordingly
Akifa Tahreem has added a new answer
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