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How to Deal With a Perfectionist Child
You must be friends with some parents who claim that their children are perfect and whatever they do, they do it with perfection. A lot of parents tag their children as perfectionists without realising that perfectionism could be a problem. As a parent you obviously want your child to do well in school and life. And it is great to teach your child to aim high and gain mastery over new concepts early in life, but you don't have to force them to reach for stars. It is one thing to get satisfaction from doing difficult tasks and succeeding but is a whole other ball game never to be satisfied by one’s own performance because of having unrealistic goals. Here we attempt to explain perfectionism and how it can affect children over time.
What Is Perfectionism and What Are Its Types?
A perfectionist is someone who establishes improbable goals for himself. He then pressurizes himself into trying to achieve unrealistic expectations. The perfectionists then beat themselves up over their dismal failure if they are unable to meet up to such high and idealistic standards. If they do succeed, they are incapable of enjoying the limelight over what they have accomplished. They often credit luck or fate for their success and start worrying that they won’t be able to replicate the results the next time. Perfectionists can be in any one of the forms mentioned below:
1. Self-oriented Perfectionists
People who have improbable expectations for themselves.
2. Other-oriented Perfectionists
People who set extremely high standards of performances for others.
3. Socially Prescribed Perfectionists
People who accept that society, parents, or teachers and coaches, have unrealistic expectations of them.
Where Does Perfectionism Come from in Children?
Perfectionism doesn’t mean that children are looking to be perfect. Rather, it is about needing to evade the consequences of failure or their mistakes. The penalties of their perceived failure can be factual or imaginary. The thought of these failures can affect the lives of children so much so that they cause anxiety and stress in our little ones.
Such behaviour can develop because of how the child perceives and understands messages received as a part of their early life experiences. Children register messages about achievement, success, praise, failures, and admonition and groom themselves according to what they believe are model standards.
The premises behind perfectionism is that - “If there is no attempt, there is no failure and therefore no humiliation.” Children who believe this are at risk of child perfectionism tantrums and meltdowns that may require psychological counselling. Certain factors that create perfectionism are:
1. Biological Factors
Data records that perfectionism is meticulously connected to some mental illnesses, for example- OCD (obsessive-compulsive disorder) and eating disorders. This makes scientists believe that a certain biological component is ingrained into perfectionism.
2. Perfectionists Parents
Parents who believe they are perfectionists are most likely to raise a child who is a perfectionist. Genetic disposition could be a reason here or a child witnessing their parent’s search for perfection could also reflect in the child.
3. Academic Pressure
If a child scores less marks, he may fear that it will affect his choice of colleges or his future in some way. This could make him believe that he has to be perfect everywhere.
4. Parental Influences
Parents who praise their child for being “the brightest, most intelligent, most athletic, or supremely talented” could mislead their child into believing that faults are bad. This drives them to try and succeed at any cost.
5. Sensationalism of Performance
Media and social media platforms depict achievers and successful people as being perfect. Athletes, actors, musicians, and even politicians are sensationalised for their perfect lives, and even a tiny slip is flashed as a failure or a fall from grace. From elite athletes to the latest pop star, the media often portrays people as perfect. This creates a facade that one has to be perfect to be popular.
6. Desire to Please
Children also tend to look at perfectionism to please everyone. They are probably led to believe that pleasing everyone by being perfect will somehow reduce conflict and stress for people around them.
7. Low Self-worth
Perfectionists tend to focus on their flaws and underplay their accomplishments. This, however, will prevent them from feeling fulfilled. A child who feels bad about himself may think he is only as good as his achievements.
8. Trauma
A traumatic childhood experience could cause feelings of detachment or a lack of love that he'll try to fill up with trying to achieve perfection.
Signs of Perfectionism in Children
The behaviour of perfectionists children can be observed very easily. Following are the traits of perfectionists children.
They are highly sensitive to critics.
They believe their work isn’t up to the mark and always have difficulty finishing tasks.
They procrastinate to avoid stressful and difficult tasks.
They are very self-critical and easily embarrassed.
They are equally critical of others around them.
They have great trouble prioritising their tasks.
They have very low tolerance levels when a blunder is made.
They have extreme anxiety associated with failure.
They have exceptionally high expectations for themselves but low confidence.
They are socially inhibited and emotionally cut off.
They experience physical ailments such as headaches when they perform below expected standards set by themselves or others.
How Can Parents Help a Child Who Exhibits Extreme Perfectionism?
As parents, you must set the right standards for your child. A child's behaviour reflects the behaviour around them, mostly parental behaviour. Here are a few tips on how to help a perfectionist child:
1. Provide Unconditional Care and Respect
Take care of your child and respect him whether he has performed well or not. Give him the warmth and love that he deserves. Praise him that he at least attempted and finished the job.
2. Praise the Effort, Not the Outcome
Praise your child for the hard work they put into studying, rather than the score. Tell your child what he did wrong and how he can do it better the next time if he fails. Avoid using words like genius, brilliant, perfect etc. that send the child over the moon.
3. Examine and Decrease Competitiveness
Do not emphasize on winning always. While playing games at home, do not make a noise about who won or lost. Do not make your child feel compete for little things like who ate their meal first or who sang a song better. Avoid comparing children with each other.
4. Acknowledge without Judgment
Be a good listener. Acknowledge your child’s negative emotions like irritation, anxiety, sorrow, and fear. Use positive reinforcement to let your child know that it is good to express negative emotions, but not in a negative way. Let your child understand that even if he fails, he will be loved.
5. Provide a Structured and Uncluttered Environment
Ask your child to maintain a notebook expressing his feelings in a structured manner. Teach him to prioritise his tasks and break down his work into smaller, manageable pieces.
6. Change Goals from Perfection to Completion
Constantly remind your child that the goal is to complete and not perfection. Yes, perfection is good but kids should not be obsessed with it. Make children understand that there are no failures. They should treat their setback as feedback and make improvements for the next time.
7. Foster a Growth Mindset
Encourage high standards but explain the meaning of quality work. Include them in creating realistic and acceptable standards for themselves. Support them and encourage them if they perform at a lower standard than expected. Teach them to perform better and not give up if their performance lacks.
8. Talk About Your Mistakes
Display behaviour that you want your child to learn. Speak to your child about how you as a parent are not perfect. Explain kids about your own mistakes and how you overcame situations that stumped you. Help them realise how it is not possible to complete each task without doing mistakes and that you as a parent have struggled with tasks too.
What Are the Potential Risks of Perfectionism?
Trying to achieve excellence all the time can be very tiring, both mentally and physically. Children run the risk of burnout when they try too hard. In order to be perfect, your child may face the following problems.
The constant need to be perfect will make your child anxious. This anxiety will prevent children from succeeding because they are always looking for more than they can cope with.
Children can mask their pain to look perfect on the outside. This could lead to long-term emotional trauma in children.
Mental health issues like depression, lack of self-worth, and anxiety are common for children who are after perfection because it is too idealistic and cannot always be achieved.
Higher levels of stress can be emotionally and physically damaging because the child is trying so hard never to make a mistake.
When to Consult a Doctor
Speak to a professional if you see signs of social withdrawal and extreme anxiety in your child. Also, look for signs of aggression at their perceived failure at a task and get help from a mental health counsellor.
Address extreme perfectionism at an early stage and nip it in the bud by taking the right measures. Use positive words and show lots of love to your child, and seek counselling if required to bring in a positive self-image in your child.
Also Read: Tips to Deal With an Overly Emotional Child Read more
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Myths & Facts about Infertility in Couples
Infertility is a medical condition which can occur in both males and females, preventing them from having a child. There are different medical treatments available for couples to help them conceive, while there are some partners who decide to adopt a child.
Busting the Myths & Discovering Facts about Infertility
Infertility is a highly misunderstood medical condition, and some people believe it’s a problem associated with women. Couples can overcome their infertility issues by seeking timely medical help to achieve a successful pregnancy. With so much confusion prevailing about infertility, here are a few myths we have busted for you:
Myth 1: Most Women Can Easily Become Pregnant
It is true that most women can conceive a child without any difficulty. But there are some women who can face problems of infertility. It may happen owing to certain health conditions. Age can also interfere with a woman's ability to conceive. For example, a healthy 25-year-old woman will have more chances of getting pregnant as compared to a woman who is around 35 years old, similarly the 35 year old, may find it easier to conceive when compared to a 40 year old.
Myth 2: Infertility Happens Only in Women and Not in Men
It is a common belief that infertility affects only women. The truth is that men can also face infertility related issues some of which are low sperm count, poor sperm quality, or both.
Myth 3: Infertility is a Psychological Problem and Does Not Interfere with Physical Health
You might have heard your elders say that infertility is all in one's head. And if you stop worrying about it, you can become pregnant quickly. The reality is that infertility is a physical condition of the reproductive system and not a mental disorder. Relaxing, enjoying a vacation, or de-stressing yourself cannot solve your infertility problem unless you seek appropriate expert advice and treatment for infertility.
Myth 4: Couples Who Make Enough Effort to Conceive will Eventually Get Pregnant
With new methods of diagnosing and treating infertility, couples can increase their chances of having a baby. But it is not true that every couple who undergoes such a treatment will achieve a successful pregnancy. Remember, infertility is a medical problem and it can sometimes remain untreatable, irrespective of how much effort you make. Be open to treatments and hope for the best.
Though not being able to conceive can be a reason for sadness, grief or anger for a couple, it does not imply that they cannot lead a positive life. There are many modern couples who choose not to have a child due to different priorities in their lives. Such couples also lead a happy and fruitful life. If a couple is keen on having a child, there are options such as surrogacy or adoption to fulfill their dreams of building a family.
Myth 5: A Partner May Leave if the Other is Suffering From Infertility
Infertility can affect either partner. It's not always the woman who is to be blamed. Going through the process of non-stop infertility tests and treatments can be stressful, frustrating and costly and take a toll on your relationship. A couple should stick together in this situation, and find new ways of connecting with each other. Having a healthy, supportive and strong relationship is based on mutual understanding and respect for each other. Do not let your relationship wither away due to an infertility problem.
Myth 6: If You Adopt a Child, You Might Get Pregnant
The fact is that an adoption does not lead to pregnancy on its own, because your infertility problem is no way linked to your adopting a child. However adopting a baby may lead to a happy family. Infertility is an internal problem, which needs medical intervention. Adopting a child is a wonderful way to start your own family, and give a child a bright future. If you and your partner want, you can simultaneously seek expert medical help for your infertility problem.
Do not believe in every myth related to infertility, and focus on resolving the issue by consulting your doctor and keeping an open mind. There are many possibilities, modern treatments and other options available for couples. Discuss the various choices with your partner once you consult an expert and take an informed decision to deal with the problem of infertility. Read more
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How to Dress for a Business Meeting to Look Confident and Earn Respect
Be it a formal or a casual meeting, wearing the right clothes matters the most. Dressing impeccably and looking your best can make you feel confident, and when you are confident you know you can win the world. In today’s competitive world, your intelligence alone won't be enough to make a good impression, dressing appropriately is critical to come across as a competent professional.
What Can You Choose to Wear for a Casual Business Meeting?
It’s difficult to decide what to choose for a casual meeting. Should you stick to jeans and trainers or play safe and stay on the conservative side? To ease your dilemma regarding the dress code for business meetings, here are some tips to tailor your attire.
For Women
When it comes to dressing up for a casual meeting, you can go easy a bit and try something that’s fashion friendly. Here are some suggestions that you can try.
1. Tops
Keeping it simple always works. You could go for a simple jersey top, chiffon shirt, turtleneck, or patterned blouse. A blazer can also be layered for a smarter look.
2. A Dress/Skirt
Straight or pencil skirts work best for a business setting. But you can also wear A-liners in a neutral colour for a casual meeting. Sheath dresses with a belt that goes around the middle can be an attractive option. It can be completed with a casual blazer and a pair of flats for a distinctive casual business look.
3. Bottoms
You can wear a pair of trousers, structured wool trousers, or chinos for a casual meeting in your company. Straight-leg pants and bootcuts are flattering on almost all body types and work well too. So, take your pick and dress your best.
4. Shoes
When it comes to picking the right shoes for a casual meeting, it is best to stick to closed toe shoes such as low-heeled pumps, booties, or flats. You can wear loafers or brogues. If you like to wear heels, then go ahead and wear it but it should be up to four inches.
5. Accessories
Lightweight jewellery is ideal; avoid any other that makes a bold statement or big earrings. These are a distraction from the task you are there to do.
6. Outerwear
On cold winter days, you can go for a smart jacket, trench coat, or a pea coat to add style to your look.
For Men
While choosing an outfit for a casual business meeting, pick something that’s sharp but comfortable.
1. A Blazer
A blazer is not always necessary but can make you look smart anytime. Wear a blazer to look more confident. Pick a dark blazer with or without a chequered pattern.
2. Bottoms
Smart trousers or chinos would work well, preferably in dark colour or beige. If you’re working in a startup or creative industry, jeans are also acceptable. However, it should be dark with a straight cut and should not be skin tight or ripped.
3. Shirts
A shirt is the most basic component of every working man’s wardrobe. Whether it is layered on top with a blazer or buttoned-up collared shirt, must be ironed and tucked into the bottoms. For a smart look, pick dark-coloured shirts like navy blue, purple, olive green, etc. You can also wear a shirt with small checks on it.
4. Shoes
You can choose anything from formal shoes to brogues that are either in black or brown for a casual meeting in your office.
5. Accessories
A belt is a must-have that should be worn with every outfit. Watches add a nice touch but keep it simple. Don't wear a flashy watch, as it would be distracting.
6. Outerwear
If the weather is cold and you need to keep warm, you can go for a trench coat, pea coat or a formal wool jacket.
What You Can Pick for a Formal Business Meeting?
Dressing to impress is the motto behind all formal business attire. What you wear on a daily basis is not perfect for your boardroom or conference. A good attire conveys your professional image and executive presence. So, here we suggest you what you can wear for a formal business meeting.
For Women
Well-worn business formal women’s attire makes a statement. Here’s what you need to keep in mind:
1. Tops
A cotton or chiffon buttoned shirt is perfect for a formal meeting. You must not wear clothes that reveal too much skin. Your blouse should be a perfect fit and should go well the rest of your outfit.
2. Bottoms
Pants work fine as long as you adhere to tailored ones with a crease. Khaki, corduroy, twill, wool and wool blends are all good materials. Avoid heavy cotton, denim, and synthetic materials.
3. A Dress/Skirt
If you are wearing a dress or skirt, make sure you pick the right colour and material. The length of your dress and skirt also matters. Follow the four finger rule; the skirt or the dress should not be higher than four fingers above your knee. If you’re unable to walk comfortably in the skirt, it’s either too tight or too small. So avoid wearing such dresses at work.
4. Shoes
Closed toed pumps, brogues, court shoes or loafers that compliment the outfit are the best. Avoid chunky heels, stilettos, flat soled-shoes, or shoes with too much weight.
5. Accessories
Wear jewellery that’s simple and non-distracting which pairs well with a structured bag. When wearing a skirt or dress, wear skin-coloured or black tights for a perfect finish.
For Men
For men who are unable to decide what to wear for a formal business meeting, we will help you pick the right clothes.
1. Shirts
A buttoned-up, plain cotton shirt is the best option for a formal business meeting. You can also wear shirts that are light coloured and have small patterns on it.
2. Suits
A two or a three-piece suit in a dark colour such as charcoal or navy is the perfect choice of attire for a board meeting. However, make sure that the quality of the material is excellent and that it fits you perfectly.
3. Shoes
Oxford shoes or brogues in black or brown go well with suits. Do not forget the matching socks.
4. Accessories
To complete the look, a silk tie is mandatory along with a leather belt. You can also wear a watch and subtle cufflinks.
Additional Tips You Must Follow
Whether you’re a man or a woman working at a startup or a multinational corporation, the following tips apply to all.
1. Bring Backups
Having a blazer and an extra pair of shoes in your car is a quick fix if you arrive at a meeting and realise you’re underdressed. The same goes for accessories and other outerwear.
2. Ensure That Your Attire is Appropriate
Be it men’s or women's business wear; everybody agrees that attention to detail makes people look competent. Although t-shirts and jeans are okay in some casual settings, maintaining a professional touch works greatly to maintain your image.
3. Ensure Everything Fits Well
An oversized or undersized shirt or pant can ruin your outfit. What’s worse, while you’re tugging at it, you draw more attention to it. The people in the board meeting may assume that you lack confidence. You don't want that, right? So make sure your clothes fit you.
4. Invest in Good Ties
Ties are essential for men to complete their formal, professional look. Pick a good quality tie made out of a high-quality fabric such as silk. Ensure it has no character prints and the patterns or colours are subdued.
5. Avoid Mismatches
None of your accessories should be a mismatch with your whole look. While picking a belt, go for the one which matches the colour of your shoes or the suit. For a casual business meeting ensure your trousers match the colour of the jacket. The colour of the socks should either match the trousers or shoes.
6. Watch Your Hairstyle
Your hairstyle should complement your look. Men must keep their hair trimmed, and women should take care that it doesn’t fall over their face.
7. Opt for Natural Makeup
Women must keep their makeup natural for meetings - it should not be too much. Perfume should be subtle and not overpowering.
8. Regard Social or Cultural Norms
If the business meeting is with an international client, research a bit on what is appropriate with them. You could update your look a little bit more to find a middle ground. Find out their business dress and wear accordingly.
9. Buy a Good Handbag
Invest in a good corporate handbag for a professional appeal. You don’t want to enter a meeting room clutching all your personal stuff in your hands. A black or brown bag that matches your outfit will do.
Blending style and professionalism into your attire is the key to look confident in any business meeting. Your appearance speaks volumes for you to establish you as a credible, successful person. So pay attention to it.
Also Read:
How to Prepare for an Interview
Prioritizing Career over Relationship
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