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Selfishness in Children - Tips to Raise a Selfless Child
When kids grow up, they pay more attention on themselves. This is a completely normal phenomenon as kids become aware of who they are and go through new cultural and social dynamics. Usually, children are averse to the thought of being an odd one out in a crowd. So they focus on their own behaviour and looks in order to fit in the crowd. Experts usually call this developmental phase as the ‘imaginary audience’, when kids believe that everyone’s attention is on them. Rest assured as this kind of self-focus is normal, but it becomes wrong when it turns into selfish behaviour.
What Causes Selfish Behaviour in a Child?
There are many causes of selfish behaviour in a child, and the parents may be the ones directly or indirectly contributing to it.
Here are a few causes of selfishness in a child:
Parents spoiling their child for their own negative reasons like avoidance, guilt, compensation or ‘love’ leads to selfish behaviour in him.
The feeling of neglect can make a child selfish.
When a child is angry, depressed, or anxious and nobody pays attention to him, he may become a recluse and start focusing on himself without caring about others.
When your child is jealous of a sibling, he may become selfish.
When a parent or some other family member acts selfish, and the child may model his behaviour as yours.
When parents don’t set limits for a child, he may become selfish and spoiled. Lack of discipline may also make a child selfish.
A child may become self-obsessed if his parents don’t teach him the value of being selfless.
When a kid has underdeveloped emotional intelligence and doesn’t know how to understand other’s emotions.
If your child grabs something from his friend yelling ‘mine!’ or takes the last cookie from a plate immediately without asking anyone else or refuses to share his toys, he may be selfish.
How to Raise an Unselfish Kid?
How to deal with a selfish child? The first step to changing a child’s selfish behaviour is by realising that this behaviour is a big problem and not a temporary phase. To mend your child's unselfish behaviour, here is what you can do.
1. Get to the Root
Start by getting to the crux of the problem, i.e. finding out the reason for your child’s selfishness. Is it something new? Is he fighting with his siblings? Are your rules too weak? Is there some problem at school? Before worrying about the consequences, first, make a list and see what has changed around your child recently, which might be contributing to his selfish behaviour.
2. Do Not Tolerate
To correct your child's behaviour, tell him that such behaviour will not be tolerated. You have to be consistent and firm as this might be hard if the child is used to his every whim being fulfilled. Set rules that selfishness can never be displayed at home. Show your disapproval if your kid acts selfishly. Make sure you tell him why selfishness is wrong and make him aware of its consequences.
3. Teach Empathy
Children who can put themselves in other's shoes and feel someone's pain are more likely to be generous and unselfish. So teach your child empathy by pointing out other people’s emotions. Point out mannerisms and facial expressions of people around him to help him understand the difference between happy and sad. You can also role-play to help your child imagine how he would feel in a specific situation. Ask him, 'how would he feel in a similar situation?' This will build empathy in him.
4. Point Out Selflessness
The best way to cure selfishness is by pointing out the opposite. There will be times when your child would do selfless deeds as well; when you notice his unselfish or generous acts, praise him. Make sure to describe his act to him and point out why it was right and why it made the other person happy. If you do so, your child will be likely to repeat the deed more often.
5. Set Limitations
Kids become selfish if they are used to getting what they want. This is why you need to set proper limits for your child and stick to them. Avoid giving in if he cries or throws tantrums. Stand strong and make sure that he understands that he will not get what he wants whenever he wants it, especially with such behaviour. Tell others in your family too, to follow your example and not indulge in any way.
6. Be a Role Model
Kids follow by example and who better to lead them than you, the parent? Show your kid how to be unselfish by doing generous acts in front of him. Remember to draw his attention to the good deeds you do so that he can know how to behave in the same way in the future. Kids mimic their parents, so be a good role model for him, he will become selfless just like you.
7. Reward Your Child
You can also reward your child whenever he performs any unselfish deed. Praise him for it and tell him why his act was so considerate. This will act as positive reinforcement and encourage him to repeat such deeds going ahead.
Kids behaviour can be modified when they are young. If your child's behaviour is selfish, follow the above tips, and you’ll be sure of proactively raising an unselfish child who is generous and considerate.
Also Read: Egocentrism in Kids Read more
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How to Discipline Children - Parenting Methods & Important Tips
Is your child deliberately picking up fights with you or with his teachers in school? Is he displaying aggressive behaviour by bullying his peers? You may have even noticed that your child feels sad and depressed for long periods of time and does not talk to anyone. The problem is that he does not have any strong and positive role models from whom he can draw inspiration. Such kind of behaviour is a sign of a lack of a healthy environment in school and at home. But worry not, as this can be rectified through discipline.
Why is Spanking Not the Best Option to Discipline Your Child?
Nearly all of us grew up under child discipline methods of scolding, beating, or being spanked, and now we seem to have accepted it as means of growing up phase and lead our lives rather efficiently. But statistics and research have now shown that spanking your kid can have unwanted effects on his physical and mental well-being.
Spanking always seems to work the first time it’s done. Your child relents and begins listening to you. But repetitive administration leads to him being insensitive to it and he begins to manifest hateful emotions for the same. The worst part is that spanking develops a fear in children, and he might often find it difficult to communicate freely because of the fear of being scolded or spanked.
Initially, you may try to talk to him calmly and patiently, but once you resort to spanking, it makes him think that you do not care about him anymore, which only fuels his anger and aggressive behaviour and he does not take responsibility for his actions. He begins to accept that anger is the only appropriate way to handle conflicts and maintain control. And as he grows old, it may result in physical fights which could end up hurting him.
Research has also shown that spanking causes long-term behavioural impact on the mental health of kids. With no understanding of a mature way to handle conflict, such children grow up to be adults who resort to alcohol and violence to handle their emotions, hit their children or spouse, and lead a frustrated life thereafter.
What to Do if Your Child Throws a Temper Tantrum?
Tantrums can be prevented by giving your child positive reinforcement for good behaviour. If he helps you with your chores or finishes his work on time, a simple pat on the back and a few words of encouragement would be enough to set his moral compass right.
Whenever you sense that a certain situation might cause him to start throwing a tantrum, step in before he even has a chance to react, and ask him if he is feeling fine or if there’s something he would like to tell you. If he does tell you properly about his issue, help him in resolving the problem. However, if he starts getting frustrated, maintain your own calm and make him understand why certain actions are unacceptable. Telling him in a gentle tone that he can be angry if he wants to, but he is not allowed to throw things around the house. This will make him understand that his actions are wrong and your patient behaviour towards him will make him happy and he will feel that his emotions are being acknowledged. A gentle approach always goes a long way.
If, at all, he completely loses control and starts throwing tantrums, start by ignoring his behaviour completely and carrying on as usual. But, do keep a watch on him to ensure that he isn’t harming himself or anyone else in the home. If such kind of behaviour is increasing and he gets physically violent, restrain him by holding him firmly. Do not slap or spank in order to control him. Use enough strength to restrain any physical movement and he will gradually calm down.
Once he calms down, let him drink some water and wash his face. Distract him from the issue at hand by bringing up a new topic or asking him to help you with some household chore. If he is considerably grown up, talk to him about why such tantrums are harmful and unacceptable, and find better ways to communicate in the future.
The Best Ways to Discipline Children
When children are in their growing stage, it is the responsibility of parents to keep their behaviour in check, otherwise, they will go out of hand. Children spoiled in young age, remained spoiled for life. So, a little discipline is necessary, don't you think? But how to discipline them so that they take it in a positive manner? Here are some ways of making sure that your children behave properly without you having to resort to physical or verbal thrashing.
Second Chance – If your child has been rude or disrespectful towards you or anyone, make him aware of what he did and ask him to repeat his actions without being rude.
No More Talking – If he has said something rude or unpleasant, ask him to firmly stay silent for some time. This will give him some time to think and introspect. He will understand that such a behaviour was completely unnecessary and will remember it in future.
Let Him Win – If certain things are not to your liking but the consequences aren’t harmful to anyone, you can let him win an argument and allow him certain control in his own life.
Breathe – Shouting back at a child who is already throwing tantrums and shouting will only result in noise and disrupt the neighbours. So, instead of playing the shouting game, firmly send your child to his room or ask him to sit in a corner for a while, and let him calm down.
Spare the Rod – Spanking your child or hitting him should rarely be an option. Using the rod even in the mildest form creates a fear in him rather than a sense of responsibility for his actions. So, remember never to spank your child even if you are angry at him. You don't want him to be afraid of you.
No ‘I-told-you-so’ – Even when you forewarn him about an upcoming problem, he may ignore it until it stares at him right in his face. As tempting as it might be, don’t resort to telling him that you had warned him already. Help him in dealing with that problem and he will appreciate that you are by his side.
Be Smart – When your child doesn’t want to listen to you, create interesting scenarios for him so that he will end up listening to you and doing what you wanted him to do.
Sacrifice – In order to show him the cost of his actions, take away his favourite toy or video-game for some time until he understands what he did was wrong.
Restricting Social Interactions – Restricting social interactions of a child is a solution that might work because he wouldn't want to get embarrassed in front of his friends. But, don't use this way when he is with his friends or among relatives. As this will lower his morale and he will dislike you. Although it is one of the options, it is best to avoid it.
Love and encouragement – It is a common misconception among people that to disciple a child, one needs to use strict ways. But that is not true at all. Discipline can be inculcated once children are encouraged for good behaviour. You talk to your child politely and he will listen to you. Discipline is never confined to a strict approach, it is blossomed by a positive tone.
Tantrums are a child’s way of showing his dislike and refusal to agree with what you’re asking since he isn't fully equipped to process unwanted emotions. By understanding your child better and using the right methods to inculcate discipline, your child will not only behave better but become closer to you as well.
Also Read: How to Make Kids Listen to You – 12 Best Tips Read more
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Suji kheer with banana and almonds
A semolina pudding with your baby's favorite fruit and nuts is just an add on to baby's food list. Just be sure you puree/mash the fruit and powder the nuts before using. Banana and almonds make the recipe more calorie-dense and nutrient-rich. Almonds also provide the omega 3 fatty acids required for your child's brain development. Here comes a yummy nutritious recipe rich in calories and nutrients for your baby.
Serves
Preparation Time
Cooking Time
4 People
5 Minutes
15 Minutes
Ingredients
(1 cup = 250 ml)
3 tbsp suji/rava/semolina
3 cups milk
1 banana, mashed or pureed(for younger babies), cut or sliced(for older babies)
2 tbsp almonds, powdered
3 tbsp sugar or add as required
½ or ¼ tbsp cow's ghee
¼ tsp cardamom powder
Method
Step 1
Heat ghee in a pan.
Step 2
Add sooji/semolina and fry till the sooji becomes fragrant and light brown.
Step 3
Stir continuously for about 3 to 4 minutes on a low flame.
Step 4
Slowly add milk and stir continuosly to avoid lump formation. Add additional milk or water if you want a thinner consistency.
Step 5
Add sugar, banana pieces or puree. Add powdered almonds.
Step 6
Stir and bring the sooji kheer to a gentle simmer.
Step 7
Lastly, add cardamom powder.
Step 8
Stir the sooji kheer. Your sooji kheer is ready.
Step 9
Serve sooji kheer hot or warm or refrigerate.
Nutritional Information
1 serving: 1 cup
Calories
308
Sodium
81 mg
Total Fat
7 g
Potassium
200 mg
Saturated
4 g
Total Carbs
75 g
Polyunsaturated
0 g
Dietary Fiber
3 g
Monounsaturated
0 g
Sugars
25 g
Trans
0 g
Protein
8.8 g
Cholesterol
20 mg
Vitamin A
4%
Calcium
0%
Vitamin C
23%
Iron
2%
*Percent Daily Values are based on a 2000 calorie diet.
Your daily values may be higher or lower depending on your calorie needs.
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Soft mashed rice and moong dal
There's no better comfort food as soft mashed rice and bland moong dal for a baby. Rice gives in the required carbohydrates for staying active and moong dal is an easy-to-digest pulse that provides the necessary protein boost for optimal growth. Serve it with a teaspoon of ghee and yum it tastes!!
Serves
Preparation Time
Cooking Time
2 People
5 Minutes
15 Minutes
Ingredients
(1 cup = 250 ml)
1/2 cup rice
3 cups water for cooking rice
1/2 cup moong dal(split green gram)
salt to taste
2 tsps (teaspoons) coriander leaves, finely chopped
1 tsp ghee
For Tempering
1 tsp oil or ghee
1/2 tsp jeera seeds
1/2 tsp hing or asafoetida
1/2 tsp turmeric powder
Method
Step 1
Wash rice and dal thoroughly under running tap water.
Step 2
Place the washed rice and dal in separate containers and add water to both containers.
Step 3
Put these containers one above the other, covered, in a pressure cooker.
Step 4
Pressure cook for 2-3 whistles or until rice and dal are well-cooked and soft.
Step 5
Turn off heat and let it cool.
Step 6
Once the pressure goes off, open the pressure cooker and remove the containers using tongs.
Step 7
In a pan, pour oil or ghee. Add cumin seeds, allow them to crackle.
Step 8
Add hing and turmeric powder and then pour in the cooked dal.
Step 9
Add salt to taste.
Step 10
Bring it to a boil. Add fresh chopped coriander leaves.
Step 11
Turn off flame.
Step 12
Spoon rice in baby's cup and mash it with a spoon.
Step 13
Pour the cooked dal and mash it further while mixing with rice.
Step 14
Add ghee and serve warm.
Nutritional Information
Serving Size 60 g
Calories
249
Calories from Fat
45
Total Fat
5g 4%
Saturated Fat
0.3g 1.7%
Trans Fat
0.0g
Cholesterol
0mg0%
Sodium
2mg0%
Potassium
87mg2%
Total Carbohydrates
1.5g1%
Dietary Fiber
0.4g2%
Sugars
0.8g
Protein
0.3g
Vitamin A
6%
Vitamin C
7%
Calcium
1%
Iron
2%
* Based on a 2000 calorie diet.
Nutritional details are an estimate and should only be used as a guide for approximation.
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From the moon to the earth the journey from Amma and Appa to your wisdom... Sree Ved ❤ it's a tiny first letter to you from mamma
Since when we know that we are expecting you...we couldn't Jst wait to see Ur tiny fingers... Though it was a hardship pregnancy time I still remember when us both awaited for minutes to hours to feel and see your kicks... Oooh... I can still feel the butterfly in my stomach... That was the time we felt that nothing can separate us to become a wonderful parents for you and partners for each other... You are the first reason for us to complete us partners and lovers for a life time... I wish all the partners could get the same feeling like u made us go through. I have to admit your father is such a sensitive person and optimistic, but never ever seen him crying until I saw his eyes pouring on seeing you at the OT. I can't forget the moment.. oooh....gosh.... I owe you alot Ved.... I think when we become parent, the partners find their 💓 in him/ her - that it hurts when you are in pain.....it's was really hard to see you having crying and sleepless nights in you first few months, both of us literally used to sing lullabies even when your are sleeping in dreams where all our family is still laughing on it.. I remember the day your Appa had to drive for hours and hours to visit you and fell asleep holding you on sofa till late night and mamma awaited without disturbing you both from the sleep to wake by urself...I remember when you used to scan my face just before your feeding time n your Appa used to say that you are varifying the mother...haha ha.... We love you Ved... We wish u grow up spreading love, care, happiness, to each and every creature you pass through from the moon to the earth... from mamma Appa to the world.... All Ur wisdom.... Sreeved - richness of sacred knowledge... Read more
Dr Ghouse has added a new answer
Mom of a 1 yr 9 m old child
4 hours ago
Q. hi mam , my baby 1 year and 9 month old just now onwards stop breast feeding .pls suggest formula milk to my baby
Dr Ghouse
Paediatrician
4 hours ago
A. your baby is more than 1 year 9 months of age any milk including buffalo milk cows milk ok. if there is no relief it is better you see your doctor for proper examination particularly physical examination if there is need for doing investigations to find out the problem and treatment ok
Dr Ghouse has added a new answer
Trying To Conceive
4 hours ago
Q. #AskTheExpert hello dr.
baby planning kar rhi kuch tips btayiye conceive ho jaye
Dr Ghouse
Paediatrician
4 hours ago
A. it's a natural process ok. if there is no relief it is better you see your doctor for proper examination particularly physical examination if there is need for doing investigations to find out the problem and treatment ok
Dr Laxmi Chavan-Sawant has added a new answer
Guardian of 0 children
2 hours ago
Q. when baby is kick? I'm 13 weeks pregnant
Dr Laxmi Chavan-Sawant
Ayurvedic Gynaecologist
2 hours ago
A. during first pregnancy you may feel the baby movements after 24 to 25 weeks of pregnancy and till then only mild flatters may be felt but which you may not be feeling if you are doing some work
Dr Ghouse has added a new answer
Expecting Mom due in 2 months
2 hours ago
Q. I’m in my 31 week 1 day of pregnancy. What will be my delivery date??
As I have low lying placenta with grade 1 maturity.
Dr Ghouse
Paediatrician
1 hour ago
A. you had to correlate is ultrasound examination. if there is no relief it is better you see your doctor for proper examination particularly physical examination if there is need for doing investigations to find out the problem and treatment ok
Rashmi has added a new answer
Expecting Mom due in 2 months
2 hours ago
Q. My hemoglobin is 6.4 from 28 weeks of pregnancy. Now I’m 31 weeks pregnant. What should I do?
Rashmi
Mom of a 9 yr 7 m old girl
1 hour ago
A. Haven’t when you having some kind of iron supplement because they’re very good during the time of pregnancy if you are not having one you need to start with and whatever tabs you take you should just take it with any good juice specially pomegranate juice that’s going to help in doubling the impact of the medicine that you’re taking secondly try and include more of Iron which diet like spinach broccoli beetroot pomegranate black rice sweet potato these things are exceptionally healthy for you to consume
Rashmi has added a new answer
Expecting Mom due in 2 months
1 hour ago
Q. This is my cbc report
Rashmi
Mom of a 9 yr 7 m old girl
1 hour ago
A. No there is nothing visible on my wall so I can really really cannot help you can you please repose the question once again providing all the necessary details as once I’m certain what are you talking about what’s mentioned in the report according to that I can provide you proper help on your question
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Tell us more about yourself get More Personalised
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