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The Postpartum Struggle is Real - Here's How You Can Deal With It
I am a dreamer, well not the 'dream it & achieve it' kind of a person, but a daydreamer! Mostly, I look at the world through rosy glasses - all thanks to the mushy movies & stories I grew up watching and reading.
When I was pregnant, I was all prepared for a happy ending of my pregnancy and a joyous start to motherhood, just like I had watched in movies. All I could think during that time was this - "I will deliver the baby; the baby will be given to me in my arms and I will fall in love with her the minute I see her." And so our lovely journey would start. But none of this happened!
Yes, I delivered the baby. But my labour was not just about sweating, but also about swearing and promising myself to never ever go through this again. I visualised myself dying. I was unhappy that my didn't progress naturally and then I saw my baby after 3 hours of giving him birth. I didn't have the energy to hold him and when I did see him - I didn't have the feeling of love for him - I didn't have that feeling for the next three days.
The initial journey was far from what people call joyous. I was crying every single day. My body was in terrible pain; I was always tired and my baby was constantly crying. I couldn't keep my eyes open and my baby wouldn't let me sleep. People who visited me and their constant talks only doubled my agony.
This is pretty much the summary of my postpartum days.
When I had to take my baby for a checkup on the 7th day after his birth, I remember looking at myself in the mirror. I couldn't recognise myself. I looked like the most unkempt person I have ever known - my attire was a complete mismatch & I saw hollow eyes staring back at me. Even my doctor empathetically suggested that I should get some rest.
Today, I am a lot wiser and happier person. And most important, I am also in love with my baby. Do you want to know how this change came in me? Following are some pearls of wisdom from my diary. If you feel sad or are in pain post delivery, read this.
1. Have Zero Expectations About Labour
Just like everything else in life, expectations about your labour can be the mother of all problems. Have a plan, but do not expect it to work. Trust your doctor and go with the flow.
2. Surround Yourself with Your Loved Ones
No, I am not suggesting to you surround yourself with nosy relatives & annoying friends. You need to be with mature and easy going people. Be with someone, who can be your support system in the initial days of pregnancy.
3. Express What You Feel
Talk to your partner about how you feel. Do not bottle up your emotions - let it out! Cry if you need to, ask for help if it gets overwhelming for you, or see a doctor if it does not get better. Do what feels right but do not say you are fine if you are not.
4. Take Enough Rest
I know it is easier said than done, but it's not impossible. If it means turning down on the guests, do it. Our ancestors rightly set aside 45 days for the new mother and the baby because they knew that a new mother needs that much time to heal. So listen to them!
5. Do Not Be Alone
This is not the time to show your superhuman skill. Get help! Make sure that you have someone to help you out. Someone who you can be with when you feel lonely.
6. Get Some Fresh Air
You can sit in your balcony, go out for a stroll, meet a friend for a quick coffee, or do anything else that works for you and your baby. This will ensure that you don't end up getting frustrated.
7. Remember That You Will Take Some Time to Bond With Your Baby
If you are a first-time mum, don't expect to fall in love with your baby at first sight. You may even wonder why you did this to yourself. But hang in there as it will get better with time. In the meanwhile, talk to your baby, nourish your baby, and take care of yourself. And if it gets too much to manage, hand over your baby to someone in your family and take a break.
Here's a Note for Husbands -
Once you have a baby, your life will change completely and you know that your wife has done most of the work here. So be as kind, supportive, and loving as you can be. If you were a doting husband during her pregnancy, you need to be the knight in shining armour after her pregnancy. Trust me, you can make her or break her at this point. Shoulder all the responsibilities when you can and when you can't, make her some soup or something else she likes. Don't forget to be partners now that you are parents.
From pregnancy to delivery to parenthood, it's an amazing journey and trust me, time flies! So be strong, be healthy, and stay happy. No matter what the situation, remember 'This too shall pass'.
Disclaimer: The views, opinions and positions (including content in any form) expressed within this post are those of the author alone. The accuracy, completeness and validity of any statements made within this article are not guaranteed. We accept no liability for any errors, omissions or representations. The responsibility for intellectual property rights of this content rests with the author and any liability with regards to infringement of intellectual property rights remains with him/her. Read more
Rashmi has added a new answer
Guardian of 0 children
4 hours ago
Q. #asktheexperts what to give children when starting solids?
Rashmi
Mom of a 9 yr 8 m old girl
4 hours ago
A. After completing the time of six months you should start with dal water and rice water followed by all kind of fruits and vegetables porridge khichadi mash banana mash potato mash sweet potato dairy products and varieties made made out of ragi Suji and oats can also be given to your child
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Challenges That Parents Experience to Get Their Preschoolers Ready for a Fancy Dress Competition
Hi, parents! I want to share my recent experiences with my baby. When I got to know that there was a fancy dress competition in my baby's school the next week, my first thought was, "Oh wow nice!" But it was the first time she was taking part in a fancy dress competition.
We had one week so we went shopping. My husband and I wondered about the character we should select; I didn't want to dress my kid up like Krishna or Radha. After a long discussion, we settled on Balarama.
The next challenge was to understand how Balarama dressed, the weapons he carried, etc. Finally, we decided to buy a yellow dress, crown and ornaments from a store. After reaching home, I made my baby try the dress on.
Here new challenge starts. My baby started crying. No, I won't wear this.. she cried. We thought we could convince her by the coming week. Meanwhile, we had to make Balarama's plough. My husband did that and it turned out to be beautiful.
Days passed and the day for the fancy dress competition arrived. I couldn't sleep on the night before the competition. I was tensed and curious for the next day.
My husband dressed our baby up and applied bindi, etc etc.. She had become Balarama with a plough in her hand. We clicked pictures.
We took her to school. Teachers were so happy to see my baby dressed up as Balarama character..
They said it's a very new character, very creative plough.
I felt happy. We left the baby in school. Celebrations were done. In the afternoon, I went to pick my baby up from school. As soon as I went to school, I heard the very good news that my baby had won 1st prize.
I felt so happy. I can't express it in words. Happy happy and felt proud of my baby.
Disclaimer: The views, opinions and positions (including content in any form) expressed within this post are those of the author alone. The accuracy, completeness and validity of any statements made within this article are not guaranteed. We accept no liability for any errors, omissions or representations. The responsibility for intellectual property rights of this content rests with the author and any liability with regards to infringement of intellectual property rights remains with him/her.
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Are You Ready for a New Perspective in Relationship Goals?
When we talk of parenthood, the role of a mother has always been given an edge over the role of a father. None of us can really deny the fact that mothers are the ones to devote more amounts of time and energy in raising a baby than the fathers too. Over the years there has been much written about how contradistinction a mother’s life changes after coming of the baby as compared to how it was before the baby. But, not many of us talk about how a father’s life changes after a baby come into the picture. So here’s a Husband and New Dad’s perspective on relationships.
How a Husband and New Dad Looks into This New Role
When we first planned on starting a family, we had a pretty clear picture that the baby was going to change the present dynamics of our marriage. But just when the romantic flirty messages changed into the grocery list, the intellectual chat changed into pee & poop talk and the birthday & anniversary reminders changed into vaccination reminders, I am still clueless. Nobody warned us about the plummeting our relationship had taken and the chaos the rest of out lives had follen into.
During the initial months everything seemed so exciting and gala, but soon after I found myself lamenting how our love for the baby had usurped our very own love story. Despite the fact that our happiness knew no bounds – she was happy and I was happy, but together our happy “we” times went missing from the picture.
And as determined as I was not to save our “us” for some day in the future, or pause our romance for tomorrow or even wait for the weekly off to hold a kiss for that matter, I also didn’t want to rush her into it either. I understood she needed time to recover & heal. But I also couldn’t shy away from the fact that her drive kept on taking a reverse gear whenever I tried to reconnect. I had been trying very badly to be the people who once met, married, fell in love and had a miraculous baby. But, our love story seemed to be lost somewhere underneath those soiled diapers and laundry piles.
How Sex and Intimacy Went Down the Drain
Who wouldn’t agree when I say that intimacy is like the glue in a marriage? So exactly how was I supposed to react if she chose sleep over sex? And even when, after a long, challenging day she tried to pry her tired and sleepy eyes open to tend to “us” because that might be our only chance during the entire day, I felt it was selfish of me to make her go through this. I did understand that “us” time would be the last thing on her mind with all the tiredness & exhaustion and over-touching from those tiny hands and feet climbing and clinging to her all day. And as much as I would hate to admit – it did feel like I was not wanted, I was not cared for, when all I had wanted was a sense of belongingness, even if the thought crossed my mind just for the millionth of a second.
How Reality Struck Hard
Did they tell you before having the baby that life will be more beautiful and lovely with the baby?
Reality check!
They sure forgot to tell you how different that love and life you probably imagined before having the baby could be when you are sleep-deprived parents to a highly active toddler. I knew beforehand, life couldn’t be the same and I was definitely geared up for this, but I so wanted more of her, I so wanted more of “us”. Reality struck me hard when one day, on hearing my wife calling, “Hey handsome” I jumped in all excited only to find that it was for the baby and not me (sigh)! He sure is my baby too and he’s handsome. But ouch! That hurt, and so much.
How I Started Looking at Our Relationship in a New Light
But amidst all that chaos we still tried to laugh while cooking or cleaning, appreciate each other, exchanged gifts, even when they didn’t seem to be enough. And just when I was beginning to think our relationship had lost its lustre, our marriage was far from being over, not even close. In all the drama going on in my life, I somehow missed seeing the bigger picture. This time around, she was the one to reach out. I’m glad I had the patience to wait and I didn’t rush her into it.
It was then I was able to witness how with each one of these challenging days passing by, we had been inching closer to each other gaining in trust, establishing mutual respect and building on faith. I had missed seeing how we kept fuelling on hope, en kindling belongingness and growing even deeper a love, all along the way, silently.
It just took me a little while to see how our relationship had metamorphosed and transformed into a more beautiful form, just as a butterfly does from a caterpillar, giving more meaning and depth to the relationship that we already had. Only my eyes were long clouded to realise how a whole new dimension of my psyche was born, as we lovers had morphed into something more. We were morphed into parents.
Our “us” today is definitely different than what it used to be, and not always a “good different,” but I love this life we’ve created and how we’ve grown as a family. And I have never been this sure how this phase of my life has shaped my personality and given me a deeper perspective on love and sacrifice.
Our relationship is definitely the most cherished aspects of my life, but the look of unconditional love that I see in those tiny eyes of my one-year-old who calls me “Papa“, and how my heart fills up with gratitude, love, and pride is beyond any word can describe and I wouldn’t change a thing about it.
Disclaimer: The views, opinions and positions (including content in any form) expressed within this post are those of the author alone. The accuracy, completeness and validity of any statements made within this article are not guaranteed. We accept no liability for any errors, omissions or representations. The responsibility for intellectual property rights of this content rests with the author and any liability with regards to infringement of intellectual property rights remains with him/her. Read more
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How to Stop Biting at Preschool
Your little angel is slowly turning into a pint-sized dracula? Fret not! Here's the lowdown on preschooler biting tendencies. Is it normal? Read on to find out.
It's kindergarten time and everything is going okay till one day your innocent little angel's teacher gives you some news. Your baby has developed a method of getting his way – biting! When did your non-aggressive child learn this habit?
Don't worry, biting is completely normal at this age. You need to remember that your baby’s mouth is the first part of the body that learns to get tense. That is why when your child is troubled, all the tension goes straight to his mouth and results in a bite. This bite is not intentional; the poor chap does not know how else to express the trouble! It is actually his way of crying out for help.
Here Are Some Ways Parents and Teachers Can Tackle The Situation with Care
1. Give Space
Some children are a lot more sensitive than others about space. Teachers who recognize this could perhaps find a spot for the child to play that would not enable other kids to encroach. Of course, this does not mean the child sits separately. It is just enough space for the child to feel secure and safe.
2. Reduce Noise
Loud sounds can aggravate some children. Play-time usually means 'noisy-time’. Maybe the child could wear earmuffs or if that idea is not supported by the school, teachers could use soothing music during play time to change the atmosphere of the room.
3. Mentor
Some schools assign a member of the staff to keep an eye out for the child who is resorting to biting or other forms of aggression. This is so that the staff member can calm the child down gently. Most kids pick up on habits soon, so correcting this issue does not take too long.
4. Stories
You can also make up stories of brave children or animals who get their toys stolen and want to bite, but control their urge and use gentle words instead. Examples and positive reinforcement works greatly for children at this age.
Of course, you are the biggest influencer in your baby's life so gently talking to your child will help too. Studies and experiments show that redirecting the impulse to something else works better than trying to correct it.
Once a child learns to express better, the biting stage eventually wears out. The only thing to keep in mind is that at no cost must you encourage it, lest it lead to aggressive personality traits in the future. Your little vampire will soon learn that biting is solely for food and you can have a good laugh about it then! Read more
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The Truth About Raising Teenagers Which Still Remains a Myth
It is still confusing or rather a disbelief amongst ourselves that our children are grown up. We have to remind ourselves everyday that a teenaged son or daughter means they are growing up. We always see them as helpless creature who depends on us for each and everything. They are growing up, want to be independant and take decisions. Thats the problem with parents, we refuse them that independence. We still want to sing lullaby for them. They have been so dependant on us since childhood tbat even when they enter their teens and make self decisions many a times we feel offended. We might say them its your decision beta but at the bottom of your heart you want them to listen to you and abide by you.
Since birth your child has never asked you who the hell are you to advise me He or She takes 14 to 15 years to ask that question which puts you in deep shock. Imagine a new born asking you that question. Thats the dilemma of dealing with teens. If you child is growing up allow him to grow up and stop treating him or her like a baby. If they have entered their teens that means they are growing more rapidly and have chosen to become like you. Welcome and embrace the new beginning in them.
We live our whole life thinking that our children belong to us. No other life belongs to us. This whole feeling of belonginess is the root cause of misery for parents. As they enter their teens and grow into adolecence they are telling you that they dont belong to you. The earlier we realise this and accept it wholeheartedly we are allowing them to live the life they choose.
This still remains a MYTH how to deal with teenagers. But I would love to end this by stating If another life has chosen to be with you simply cherish those moments and live it to the fullest with joy.
Disclaimer: The views, opinions and positions (including content in any form) expressed within this post are those of the author alone. The accuracy, completeness and validity of any statements made within this article are not guaranteed. We accept no liability for any errors, omissions or representations. The responsibility for intellectual property rights of this content rests with the author and any liability with regards to infringement of intellectual property rights remains with him/her. Read more
Rashmi has added a new answer
Guardian of 0 children
4 hours ago
Q. can I take gevocet m during breastfeeding
Rashmi
Mom of a 9 yr 8 m old girl
3 hours ago
A. Please check with your doctor they will be able to confirm whether you can take this medicine or or not as a Dr who have a fair idea and they will know for what thing you are willing to take this medicine so whatever doubt you have associated there be able able able to clear it up for you
Rashmi has added a new answer
Guardian of 0 children
4 hours ago
Q. can I take zanocin 200 during breastfeeding
Rashmi
Mom of a 9 yr 8 m old girl
3 hours ago
A. I’m not aware about what medicine it is for I can only tell you that these basic medicines you can take throughout your lactation it’s not a problem the medicines that you could take before your pregnancy can always be taken during the time of lactation
Rashmi has added a new answer
Guardian of 0 children
4 hours ago
Q. #asktheexpert mam iam 33 weeks now when can I expect delivery date
Rashmi
Mom of a 9 yr 8 m old girl
3 hours ago
A. The basic delivery date is normally 39 to 3 40 weeks of your pregnancy whenever you are ready for your delivery and whenever you hit your labour that’s going to be the right time for you further move your Dr is going to tell you when are you going to deliver with the help of an ultrasound
Rashmi has added a new answer
Guardian of 0 children
4 hours ago
Q. iam 33 weeks pregnant now
Rashmi
Mom of a 9 yr 8 m old girl
3 hours ago
A. What is your question associated with your pregnancy that you haven’t mentioned clearly can you please repost your question providing all the necessary details so at least I know and understand what are you willing to ask and accordingly I can give you help and assistance on that
Jennifer has added a new answer
Expecting Mom due in 3 months
2 hours ago
Q. I am 23 weeks 1 day pregnant. I was feeling the movements actively until today. Baby movements were not that good or maybe I didn’t feel it that way today. Is it a cause of concern? Should I wait for a day or two or should I go and see my gynaecologist?
Please suggest!
Read moreJennifer
Mom of 6 children
1 hour ago
A. please consult ur gynae asap.
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