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Life After Divorce - Rediscover Happiness With These Practical Tips
Divorce is not a welcome event in anyone's life but sometimes it just happens. If you've been struggling post-divorce or are currently going through one, here are a couple of things you should and shouldn't expect.
Emotional Changes After Divorce
Divorce has the ability to wreck havoc on your mental state. These are some emotional effects you are likely to experience:
1. Denial
You just won't be able to accept the fact that you've been divorced. You feel betrayed, hurt, and your mind is unwilling to accept reality. But it's the reality.
2. Guilt
Guilt is another emotion you'll feel after the divorce. Maybe you'll feel you've wronged your spouse somehow or if them moving away was your fault. Maybe you'll even try to change to suit their requirements but here's the thing - a vase that's once shattered cannot be restored to its original form. The same goes for your relationships.
3. Shock
A divorce is an earth-shattering moment for many. In fact, if your spouse was your very first love, it will rock your soul to the core and hurt you. You won't be able to eat well, sleep properly, and thoughts about the time you spent together will linger. This nostalgia will accumulate into a shock of sorts and send shivers down your spine when you realize what just happened.
4. Accepting the Change
Once you've gone through the phase of anger, guilt, shock, and denial, you'll slowly start accepting the change. You'll realize that what's done is done and you can't waste your life away by just living in your mind. You will slowly start to let go and look forward to a new future ahead. Maybe that road is one you've never walked on before.
5. Feeling Like Yourself Again
You'll start to feel emotionally more stable and stop thinking about your ex-spouse too much. The time you spent together, the happy and painful memories, they will slowly fade into the background. Maybe you'll never forget them but you won't be obsessing over them like before. Your mind will slowly start to be more open to new opportunities in life. This means making new friends, taking up a new hobby, advancing in your career, etc. It's your start to a new life and a new you.
What to Expect After Getting a Divorce?
Nobody is a stranger to the pain of divorce. Here are some changes you can expect beyond it.
1. You're Single
After the divorce, you're officially single. The good side is that your newfound freedom will give you mental and emotional clarity.
2. You Focus Fully on Your Career
If you were financially dependent on your spouse before, you'll find that now is the perfect time to pursue your career. It's your chance to pursue something you like, make good money, and not depend on someone else for your finances.
3. You Take Responsibility
Yes, you take responsibility into your own hands. You now have to build yourself up, maybe even from scratch. There's nothing to be ashamed of that. It can be empowering.
4. You'll Know Who Your Real Friends Are
Forget the ones who party and desert you. You'll know who your true friends are when they show up at your doorstep. They are the ones who will stick around for the rest of your life, no matter what you go through.
5. Your Family Will Support You
Maybe they will give you a place to stay temporarily or just be there for you emotionally. Even if they can't help you financially, emotional help is reason enough to be grateful for.
6. You Have to Take Care of Your Kids
If you have kids from your marriage, you'll now have to take care of them. This means more added responsibility, but don't let that weigh you down. Think of it as rising up to the challenge and you'll become a role model to them.
7. You Stay Alone
If you don't have any kids, you'll be staying alone. This means you get more me-time, cope better with the divorce, and start taking care of yourself. Your focus will be solely on yourself and not your ex.
8. You Are More Realistic
Now that you've gone through your first relationship, you now know what and what not to expect. It's an experience that has made you stronger. Your standards will be higher for your future relationships and you'll be wary about easily trusting someone with your life again.
9. You Meet New People
Your social circle will expand if you spend more time focusing on your career and hobbies. This is a natural consequence which may prove to be fruitful later on.
10. You Won't Depend on Others
If you had been emotionally clinging onto your previous partner or dependent on him for everything, it won't be the case now. Your happiness will be in your own hands, not in others'.
5 Mistakes You Should Avoid Doing Post Divorce
Here are five mistakes to completely avoid after divorce:
Thinking About the Past
As we said, don't do it. It doesn't help but just makes you feel emotionally worse
Not Budgeting
If you don't take care of your finances or ignore budgeting, it'll be too late at a point.
Chasing Your Partner
This is also a bad move and will further lower your self-esteem and confidence.
Not Filing Taxes
Learn how to file your taxes by yourself.
Not Looking After Your Kids
Don't let your kids suffer because of what happened between you and your spouse. Help them out.
10 Tips to Rebuild Yourself After Separation From Your Partner
Here are ten tips to live your life after divorce from your husband or wife.
1. Mourn As Much As You Want
Whether it's crying your heart out, punching a bag out of grief, or just journaling a lot, give yourself the chance to mourn. This is an especially important part of life after divorce.
2. Attend Therapy
If your feelings are too bottled up and talking to your friends isn't helping, consider attending therapy.
3. Learn to Be Comfortable in Your Own Company
If you've become too cosy spending all your time with your ex before your divorce, now is the time to start learning how to feel comfortable by yourself. This is one of the best tips to live after divorce.
4. Discover the Real You
Since you'll be living alone, you'll get plenty of opportunities to discover your true self. The more you indulge in career and hobbies, you'll get to know more and also deal with divorce.
5. Start Dating
Think of this as a transitional phase until you get to newer and more fulfilling relationships. Try dating people outside your comfort zone and see where that leads without committing to anyone or anything.
6. Go Out More
Just go outdoors. Don't stay at home alone. Treat yourself to movies, hang out with your friends, and learn what it's like to live in the moment.
7. Take Up a New Skill
Maybe it's something you've never tried like building a computer or painting. Learning something new will teach you more about yourself.
8. Don't Overthink It
Don't think about your ex or talk about the subject. Move towards better and more positive things. Don't be stuck in the downward spiral of negativity.
9. Be Financially Independent
Get into a new career if you've been dependent on finances earlier. This will help you maintain the lifestyle you want.
10. Enjoy
Maybe it's playing a video game, reading a book, or going to the amusement park. Do what it takes to enjoy, smile, and just be happy.
And that's it! Just keep this article handy whenever you're feeling down and remind yourself that there is indeed a new life post-divorce. Give yourself time to heal, focus on a new you, and things will start looking better eventually.
Also Read:
Financial Tips for Surviving Divorce
How to Tell Your Family You're Getting Divorced
What Are The Effects of Divorce on Children? Read more
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Finding Romance in a Family Trip
A vacation before children meant a time for love and spontaneity. Things have probably changed since the kids came along - but there's no reason you can't take the time to reconnect with your spouse! Reclaim your love life on a family vacation by tweaking your travel plans to suit both your children and yourselves.
In the early days of your marriage, the house would be filled with fragrant flowers, perfumes, chocolates and impromptu holiday plans. Then came the children, and all the lovey dovey stuff got replaced by diapers, toys, baby food, sleepless nights, and family vacations! However, this shift doesn't mean you can't spice up your love life on a family trip. Try some travel romance tips to strike the perfect balance between parenting and romance!
Rekindle the Romance on Vacation With The Kids
1. Keep the Kids Busy
It's a good idea to book a hotel that offers childcare services if you're looking to get some much-needed privacy with your partner. Many child-friendly resorts offer day-long camps that have activities like singing, dancing, swimming, skating, drawing, campfire or movie nights. Once the kids are happy, lock yourselves up in your room, head for a date, or simply take a dip in the pool!
2. Travel Off-Season
If you want a quiet family vacation, it's best to steer clear of crowded destinations. In colder months, if everyone is opting for visits to sunny regions, choose a cooler place, literally! Select a place that has a ton of activities for your children; skiing and dog sledding will keep the kids occupied, while you can get cozy with your man in front of the fire.
3. Spring a Surprise
Sometimes, all it takes to ignite the romance is a simple surprise. Remember your courtship days when you'd keep love notes under pillows or gift a surprise holiday out of the blue? Do it again! Hide an unexpected gift in your man’s suitcase while you pack for some travel romance. It could be a book, chocolates or a bottle of that old perfume you loved on him.
4. Keep Your Destination a Secret
If you're up to the challenge, keep the place you would be travelling to a secret. Of course, your romantic travel plans will have your kids bouncing off the walls in an agony of suspense, and you'll need to be an organising ninja. But if you pull it off, you'll be the rockstar mom and wife!
5. Book a Romantic Destination
Probably the easiest way to instill a sense of romance in a family holiday is to travel to a romantic place. It could be anything from Agra, the backwaters of Kerala, Paris, Venice or Santorini. Just make sure that while it's known for being romantic, it's also child-friendly - they're often mutually exclusive. Make a note of all the activities for your children, and ensure that there's enough for them to look forward to as well.
It can be challenging for you to even think romance with your kids in tow. The trick is in knowing what to do and planning smart for a family vacation. Just stock a few tips in your travel arsenal, and let the magic of travel romance consume you as you enjoy the best of both worlds. Read more
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The Magi in me,of me but not for me.
I was living in my body for thirty long years but it never seemed so special other than occasional salon visits and some passing comments of awe and wonder. My pregnancy was a very much planned one,that unfortunately didn't go according to the planning. Adolescent memories of some movies that portrayed getting pregnant as easy as ordering a pizza, was shattered in few months.Frequent visits to doctors and diagnostic clinics initiated my motherhood journey on a note of desperation and anxiety. But with much trials and tribulations I was blessed with my healthy little man on the new year eve. The best day of my life,the day from when I started loving my body as it housed the most explicit feeling I had ever felt.
My unending days of research started with the arrival of my son. Postpartum depression had some share of days but the long days of waiting forbidded me from uttering a single vocabulary related to pain or fatigue. I nursed him through day and night and in turn he watered my unquenchable thirst of motherhood that had waited years for this blissful feeling.
Magi were the blessed souls who arrived with gifts for Jesus Christ when the son of God was born. My heartbeat,my Son is a Magi to me, because he came with priceless gifts for the unawakened soul in me. He not only made me a mother,but he introduced my real self to me. I started walking on the untrodden roads of spirituality and aesthism,so that I understand the vast difference between attachment and love. I breathed the real essence of motherhood,it is an absolute rare chance of living my childhood again with a different perspective. I learnt,this little human being deserves every available respectful gestures that we as adults accept as our rights. Expectations has the largest share of most parenting failures,I had let this thought sink inside me gradually.
Motherhood has more to do with feelings and connectivity. As true to all relationships,it needs the same amount of mutual respect,love and understanding. I am unlearning numerous things to see the world from his eyes. He is living in the moment and I am reliving them. Undoubtedly, motherhood had changed my perception of life.It has gifted me an outlook that had showered inexplicable blissful moments in otherwise ignored slightest of incidents.
To every mother,who has given birth either from their body or soul,to every Father who harbours motherly instincts competently and to every individual who had felt the spurts of this eternal feeling spontaneously,be present in the moment and embrace the little souls without any expectations. These magical beings just know the ways life should be lived,observe them and be in the now,life will never be more simpler. Read more
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Dr Priyanka Kalra has added a new answer
Trying To Conceive
11 hours ago
Q. I am having pcod problem.
At which day should I take pregnancy test
Dr Priyanka Kalra
Obstetrician and Gynaecologist
9 hours ago
A. after 2 weeks. do ultrasound n necessary tests after consulting a specialist. without proper check up we can't advise or help you.. Avoid shirt cuts when it comes to health if mother n baby. ok.
Dr Laxmi Chavan-Sawant has added a new answer
Trying To Conceive
11 hours ago
Q. I am having pcod problem.
when should I take pregnancy test?
Dr Laxmi Chavan-Sawant
Ayurvedic Gynaecologist
9 hours ago
A. after missed your periods you can wait for one week more ,then you can do a urine pregnancy test to know about the pregnancy result and consult with your doctor according to the result for medication
Dr Laxmi Chavan-Sawant has added a new answer
Trying To Conceive
11 hours ago
Q. I am having pcod problem.
but having regular cycles below 35 days. some time it will extended upto 40 days.
so when should I take pregnancy test at home?
Dr Laxmi Chavan-Sawant
Ayurvedic Gynaecologist
9 hours ago
A. If you have missed your periods you can wait for one week more or else you can do a urine pregnancy test to know about the pregnancy result and consult with your doctor according to the result for medication.
The best treatment to have Regular periods is by having a healthy lifestyle with regular daily walking or jogging along with mild exercise and meditation whenever possible. as medications will only act till you are taking them
Dr Ghouse has added a new answer
Expecting Mom due this month
7 hours ago
Q. Done my first routine blood test ..it shows thyroid border line.its my 6 week running as per USG.
but prior to that my thyroid level was always normal I did check up every year and got it normal .this time it shows borderline high in 6 week pregnancy.
is it something to worry.plz guide
Read moreDr Ghouse
Paediatrician
7 hours ago
A. it is better to follow your doctors advice for treating the thyroid deficiency. if there is no relief it is better you see your doctor for proper examination particularly physical examination if there is need for doing investigations to find out the problem and treatment ok
Rashmi has added a new answer
Guardian of 0 children
3 hours ago
Q. #asktheexperts
Best activity toys for 15 month old baby
Rashmi
Mom of a 9 yr 7 m old girl
3 hours ago
A. Toys which have light and also sounds so that is going to be a good option for you to use apart from the different kids have different interest some kids like to play with cars some like to play with something else so just have to try to figure out what your child likes to eat just check what your child is more inclined towards
Rashmi has added a new answer
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2 hours ago
Q. how to gain weight 32weeks
Rashmi
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A. You need to have a lot of good proteins and that is what is going to be helpful have a balanced diet and good have good amount of proteins as well which is what is going to be beneficial and good weight gain for your child as well
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