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No Intimacy in Marriage? 10 Ways to Re-build the Connect With Your Spouse
As the years pass and your marriage tends to get longer, the initial excitement and romance that you felt for each other starts fading away with your daily routine. This article will help you re-kindle the intimacy between you and your partner.
What Is Intimacy in Marriage?
A successful marriage is a blend of both emotional and spiritual bonding between both the partners. A lot of people associate intimacy in marriage with sex, but it can be both physical and mental as well. Intimacy can be of different types. Let’s look at some of them and how you can make intimacy an integral part of your marriage.
1. Emotional Intimacy
If you can connect with your partner in a way that you can share your joys and pains with them, this is called emotional intimacy. You should be able to discuss your innermost feelings with him. When you are walking the path of marriage together, it is bound to be affected with highs and lows.
2. Intellectual Intimacy
If you both are passionate about anything in particular, like songs or books and you connect with each other on this thread, it is called emotional intimacy. This liberates both of you to a different level of togetherness.
3. Physical Intimacy
Although as the name suggests, physical intimacy is not only about sex, it can be anything that involves a physical touch. Hugging or simply holding hands has an immense power to bring two people together. A kiss or cuddle on the couch is another way to express intimacy.
4. Experiential Intimacy
As a couple, you can go out for walks or bicycling or together. Doing any activity together is known as experiential intimacy.
5. Spiritual Intimacy
When you worship together or go to the mass together, this kind of intimacy is known as spiritual intimacy. It gives you a feeling of contentment and is awe-inspiring.
What Happens If There Is No Intimacy in Marriage?
Lack of intimacy in marriage can wreak havoc in your lives. Both of you start feeling detached from the relationship, and the very foundation of marriage gets shaken. The importance of intimacy in marriage is that it makes your marriage happy and long-lasting. A chronic conflict really hurts both the spouses. They tend to drift away from each other.
Most importantly, parents are role models for their children. They learn from their parents. If they come back to a home where they always witness fights and disagreements between the spouses, it will affect their mental and emotional well-being.
How Can Husband Re-build Intimacy in Marriage?
Every husband needs to realise the importance of intimacy in their marriage. Maintaining an emotional intimacy is much easier than re-establishing it when it had totally disappeared from their lives. Nourish and cherish the bond while it is still there. Let us look at some of the ways you can preserve your intimacy with your spouse.
1. Switch Off the Gadgets
Intimacy depends on the depth and quality of interaction that you have with your wife. Give her and your marriage the time that is needed. Texting and e-mailing help you in staying in touch with the outside world but if that is uncontrolled, then it slowly becomes a deadly habit. This can take your precious time away from your wife, and before you realise it, the intimacy from your marriage disappears. Make it a point to spend quality time with your wife every day without getting distracted by cell phones or any other gadget.
2. Spend More Time With Your Wife
As your marriage years advance, the time that you both have for each other gradually decreases. It may be because of work or because of children. Make it a point to spend at least 30 minutes in a day doing an activity where you both can enjoy each other's company. It can be as simple as doing the dishes or picking up the groceries. You can choose to cuddle up after the kids have slept. For the more healthier you, a walk in the park together can do wonders to your relationship and also keep you healthy.
3. Have a Healthy Relationship
Many people experience a negative relationship in their marriage which leaves a bitterness in their hearts. When you spend a major part of your years in marriage, it is natural to know what things can hurt your spouse. Arguments can turn nasty sometimes, and we tend to say things that hurt our partners. These break the very bond of intimacy that you share with your wife. It is absolutely ok to have arguments and disagreements but belittling your wife will only further the crack in your relationship. A kind and loving partner will always feel his wife valued, loved and supported.
4. Reading Helps in Getting Your Intimacy Back on Track
Yes, you read that right! Reading a good book together does help in bringing back the intimacy you shared earlier. There are good books on marriage that you can read, or you can choose any book that interests you both. Taking up this activity together is itself a step closer to getting intimate with your partner. When you discuss about it with your wife, it helps you get connected to her, opening up communication that is purely non-judgemental.
5. Ask for Help When Needed
In the passing years of marriage, it is natural to get distracted sometimes due to issues that can range from personal to professional. Seek the help of your family therapist to help you both regain trust in each other and move towards a healthy relationship.
How Can Wife Re-build Intimacy in Marriage?
There can be a variety of factors that contribute to a healthy and successful marriage - being intimate is certainly one of them. As life advances, our priorities change, situations change. They can be due to children, your work, hidden worries, habits, anger, health, etc. It is natural to get off track when it comes to your spouse; they get neglected inadvertently. And before you know it, the intimacy between you both suffers. First of all, know that neither of you is to be blamed for this situation. It's better to start working on your relationship than start a blame game.
1. Talk Openly
You and your husband would have probably spent hours talking before marriage or during the initial years of marriage. If you realise that over a period that has stopped, make an effort to start a conversation with him. Usually, with children, it is natural that you both are left with very little time to talk with each other. But do not let that be a reason to lose your intimacy in your marriage. Spend at least an hour each week to talk with your husband.
2. Talk About Your Fantasies
Fantasies necessarily do not have to be sexual. They can be whimsical, funny, or even quirky desires that you have. The idea is to drop your guard and enjoy the moment with your husband without inhibitions. This will help you get your intimate moments back.
3. Write Love Letters
Wondering what a love letter has to do with intimacy in marriage? Well, it is a powerful communication tool to get that spark back in your life. Use a paper and pen and see the magic this communication channel has on your husband. Surprise your husband with a love letter and see the smile widen on his face.
4. Pray Together
Praying has healing powers. You can choose to pray together with your husband and connect with him on a spiritual note. This can bring you both together and help you bring back your intimacy and help you sustain it in the long run.
5. Read to the kids
In marriage after you have kids, intimacy does take a back seat most of the times. The priorities change, and it becomes difficult to find time for yourself. How about reading a book to your children together? Reading a book to your children together before they go to bed will strengthen the bond between you both. This will create a beautiful memory for your children and will also give you time to spend with each other. The family time spent together will help you bring intimacy back into your lives.
FAQs
1. Why Is Emotional Intimacy More Important to Women?
Women prefer to feel connected with their husbands and love to get intimate with them at an emotional level. Sex is secondary for them when it comes to intimacy.
2. Can a Marriage Survive Without Intimacy?
Yes. Marriage can survive without intimacy, but it becomes a struggle for both the partners to stay in it and sustain the relationship in the long run.
Intimacy is the bond that makes a marriage stronger and happier. It makes a man a better father and an equally loving husband. For a woman, it helps her transition into a wonderful mother and be a supportive wife.
Also Read:
Relationship Myths You MUST Ignore for a Happier Marriage
The Truth About Sexless Marriages Every Couple Should Know
How to Keep Romance Alive in Your Relationship While Raising Kids Read more
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A review of Babyhug 360 Degree All Round Sipper for kids. An awesome product..
The cup can be sterilized easily, and its shine does not wear off. Due to the proper design. It is not easy to break as well as for cleaning, it is a charm. Every part comes out and can be cleaned very easily.
For travelling purposes also, it is a great product to carry as it fits in small space and does not spill even in moving vehicles. The packaging of the product is also done nicely
I loved the product. It’s precisely designed to make sure that babies are comfortable while using it. The design is also easy to clean which is the best part. The plastic and print on the cup are of good quality. After several sterilizations also the cup looks good. It’s also with tight lid. My daughter loved it and now she is happy to carry that around everywhere.
Although its price can be decreased a little or more features can be added in same price range.
The cup doesn’t have small corners to clean. It can easily hold one glass of liquid. Cleaning wise also its very comfortable. There are no small corners to clean. Its BPA free and non-breakable. It can be sterilized as well. After multiple sterilizations, it’s still looks new. It’s very compact and tightly packed for travel purpose as well. It has great grip and makes the transition from bottle to cup easy. You can also transform it into a normal cup or with handle
I have following suggestions -
1. In the same range many products are available with better features like with steel parts etc.
2. Slight leak is there when the baby holds it upside down, otherwise no leakage.
3. Please add a small hole for optional pipe if possible or adding pout so that it becomes multipurpose.
4. Try to have some more colours and designs. Read more
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Urinary Incontinence during Pregnancy
Not spoken about very often, one of the side effects of pregnancy and childbirth is the leaking of urine much to the dismay of expectant mothers. Urinary incontinence or leaking of urine at unexpected times can affect mothers when they experience a cough, laugh or sneeze. But it is certainly not something to be embarrassed about as it affects 30%-50% of new mothers and is extremely common.
What is Pregnancy Incontinence?
Soon after you conceived you find that you experience difficulty with bladder control during pregnancy. Don’t panic or be embarrassed! It is only going to get worse during the last trimester when your growing baby exerts pressure on your bladder. Bladder incontinence in pregnancy can be annoying and frustrating, yet it is quite common. You urinate when the muscles around your urethra relax, allowing the urine to flow, and after urination the muscles contract, holding the urine flow until you are ready to empty your bladder again. The fluctuation of hormones during pregnancy and the pressure exerted by the uterus on the bladder interferes with the normal way the urethra relaxes and contracts. This leads to stress, and you may urinate when you exercise, laugh, walk, run or even cough.
What Types of Incontinence are Experienced During and After Pregnancy?
There are several types of incontinence experienced during and after pregnancy:
Stress Incontinence - Stress incontinence in pregnancy, the most common during pregnancy, is the loss of urine owing to increased physical pressure on the bladder. The bladder sphincter, a muscular valve which controls the flow of urine is stressed owing to pressure on the bladder by the uterus during pregnancy. Urine leaks out of the bladder when additional pressure is exerted especially when a woman coughs, sneezes or laughs.
Urgency Incontinence - Women with an overactive bladder also have urinary incontinence during pregnancy. Their bladders have uncontrollable spasms which affect the urethra preventing it from controlling urine due to strong contractions. This kind of incontinence can be experienced after childbirth as the pelvic muscles weaken owing to an episiotomy or long labour.
Mixed Incontinence – Urgency incontinence along with stress
Transient Incontinence - A medication that you take could cause temporary loss of urine
What are the Causes of Pregnancy Incontinence?
The bladder rests right above the pelvic bones supported by the pelvic floor. The bladder relaxes and fills with urine through the day with the sphincter keeping it closed until you can use the washroom. During pregnancy and childbirth, the pelvic muscles are put through a lot of tests due to several causes.
Weight
Weight is a major contributor to stress related incontinence. By the third trimester, the uterus is resting on the bladder and its supporting ligaments causing them and the surrounding muscles to stretch. Any physical movement puts extra pressure on the bladder causing stress incontinence.
2. Hormones
Pregnancy is nothing but a frenzy of fluctuating hormones. These changes affect the bladder lining and the urethra. The hormones make your tissues and joints more elastic to prepare for delivery, in turn, weakening the muscles that control the bladder from releasing urine.
3. Constipation
Pregnancy more often than not is characterized by constipation which puts a strain on the pelvic floor causing incontinence.
4. Medical history
Women who suffer from diabetes, multiple sclerosis, or have had a stroke in the past could also suffer from incontinence.
5. Urinary Tract Infections (UTI)
More than 40% of women do not treat their UTI’s completely, and it is one of the major symptoms of incontinence.
Post-childbirth, especially during vaginal delivery, prolonged pushing could damage the nerves. This contributes to incontinence during pregnancy.
Which Pregnant Women are Most at the Risk of Experience Urinary Incontinence?
Some women are at an added risk of suffering from incontinence during pregnancy
Conceived at an older age
Over-weight or obesity
Have had a vaginal delivery before
Have had a pelvic surgery
Smoking as it could lead to a chronic cough
How is the Diagnosis Done?
When you reach the final weeks of pregnancy, leaking urine may be confused with leaking amniotic fluid. A doctor is the best person to ascertain the cause. If there are no signs of labour or infection, a doctor may perform other tests. A doctor may conduct a bladder stress test to see if you leak when coughing or exert pressure on the body. A bladder scan using ultrasound also helps to determine if the bladder is emptying itself completely. There could also be chances that you may be suffering from UTI which needs to be treated.
Treatment for Urinary Incontinence in Pregnancy
Lifestyle changes and bladder management are the effective first lines of treatment for pregnancy incontinence. Some useful tips:
Do the Kegels:
Aim to do five sets of Kegel exercises to strengthen your pelvic floor. The best part is these exercises help your pelvis during and after labour too.
2. Bladder training:
To practice timed voiding, use a chart and record your urinating times and intervals. Start with retraining your bladder. Start with visiting the toilet every hour for a certain period of time. Then change the schedule by increasing the duration. Eventually, you can change it to a comfortable time limit to empty your bladder.
3. Cut down on caffeine or carbonated drinks:
Caffeine and fizzy drink may make you want to visit the toilet often. Drink more water or decaffeinated drinks instead.
4. Reduce liquid intake at night:
Limit the number of beverages in the evening to avoid frequent trips to the bathroom or leaking at night.
5. Eat a fibre rich diet:
A fibre rich diet reduces constipation thereby reducing stress on your pelvic floor.
6. Control your weight:
Extra weight around your abdomen increases pressure on the bladder. Try to control your increase weight by doing exercises and leading an active lifestyle.
7. Medications and devices:
Sometimes, doctors suggest the use of devices to block the urethra and block the pelvic muscles. Doctors also prescribe medication to muscle spasms in the bladder or an overactive bladder.
Kegel Exercises to Control Urinary Incontinence
Kegel exercises are a proven technique to control urinary incontinence during pregnancy. The exercises help to tighten and strengthen the muscles in the pelvic floor region. Strong pelvic floor muscles improve the function of the urethra and the bladder sphincter which controls the flow of urine.
To locate your Kegel muscles, start by sitting on the toilet and urinating. Stop urinating mid-stream, and the muscles that you use to stop the flow of urine are the Kegel muscles. Alternatively, insert a finger into the vagina and try to get the muscles to tighten around your finger.
How to perform the exercises:
Relax the muscles in your abdomen, thighs and glutes
Tighten the pelvic floor muscles
Count 10 until you hold the muscles
Count 10 after you relax the pelvic floor muscles
It is recommended to do these exercises 10 times in the morning, afternoon and night. These can be done anywhere - at your desk, in the car while driving or even on your sofa.
Prevention
There is no definitive way to prevent urinary urgency in pregnancy. However, there are few exercises that can help gain some control over the pelvic muscles to control urine discharge. Regular Kegel exercises help to train the bladder and control flow of urine. Try to strengthen your pelvic floor muscles which are not only important when you are pregnant but even otherwise. Pelvic floor muscles sag if not used regularly so it is helpful if you practice exercises that will strengthen the muscles.
When to Consult a Doctor
Consult a doctor if you experience urinary incontinence during early pregnancy. This is to rule out any possibility of urinary infection that could lead to further problems. Urinary incontinence will definitely set in during the later stages of pregnancy and last for a few weeks after delivery too. However, if you suffer from incontinence for six weeks after delivery, be sure to get checked.
Most women dismiss a few drops of leakage of urine as nothing to worry about or shy away from discussing incontinence with the doctor. If you find that incontinence is hindering your daily routine during or after pregnancy, seek immediate help from the doctor. In the meanwhile, practice suggested techniques to minimize risk and embarrassing encounters owing to incontinence and unexpected leaks.
Also read: Frequent Urination During Pregnancy Read more
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Teaching Preschoolers to Use Forks and Spoons
Many parents wonder, when should kids start using eating utensils like spoon, fork etc.? Although there’s no fixed age, the sooner your child learns self-feeding, the better it is for you and your little one. Here are a few tips for developing spoon and fork skills in your kid.
Children enjoy doing things on their own like taking off their shoes, wearing their favourite T-shirt, and yes, also eating by themselves. Parents play a crucial role in helping preschoolers reach this important milestone. As little ones need some training in getting acquainted with eating using a spoon or fork, parents need to invest in kid's cutlery to help them eat the right way.
Ways to Get Your Child To Use Forks and Spoons
Associate and Assist
Give your child smooth-edged plastic spoons to play with. Encourage her to try taking the spoon to her mouth. As soon as she achieves this, try scooping some food onto the spoon. Start with little quantities. This way, she will get associated with eating small bites and using a spoon at the same time.
Types of Spoons
Parents often wonder which kind of spoon to introduce to their kids. To begin with, opt for a high-quality, smooth-edged plastic or rubber spoon. Even wooden spoons are good. Just do a thorough check that there are no wooden splinters. At the learning stage, it's best to avoid silver or steel spoons as they might hurt the little one’s gums. Also, metal spoons might get too hot or too cold for your child and should be kept away.
Introduce Forks with Soft Foods
After your kid is comfortably using a spoon while eating, introduce forks to her. Show her how to poke into soft food items like cheese, banana, boiled potatoes, etc. with a fork. Initially, she will get confused between using a fork and spoon, and she might try to use her fork the way she uses a spoon. Worry not; with practice she'll figure out the difference.
What’s Good to Eat, What’s Not!
While teaching how to use cutlery, don’t give your child really large pieces or too tiny ones to begin with. Medium sized, light bites are good. The best option is to give semi-sticky foods like porridge to your little one when she begins eating food with a spoon. Small chunks of fruits, noodles, etc. help kids get habituated with forks. Basically, foods that don’t fall off the spoon easily or are easy to eat with a fork help in developing preschooler’s self-feeding skills.
Distraction-free Zone is a Must
Learning to eat with a spoon or fork requires focus. When teaching children how to use fork and spoon, use a distraction-free space. If there are any toys or other objects on the table, they might easily divert your child’s attention. Try to reduce her frustration when using such aids, especially when she manages to spill more than eat!
Read more
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There are children who naturally possess good study habits while there are others who completely detest staying at one place to study. This blog is about ways to make study-time look fun and interesting for kids.
Making Study Time Engaging and Interesting for KidsGosh! Ask me about it. There’s a contact tussle between me and my kids about revising their school work. They run miles away from it, especially the writing bit. But well ..better late than never ...I have finally come to terms with giving them ample space and freedom to choose a time when they are in an absolute frame of mind to revise because then they not only put their best effort but also pay required attention. There are children who naturally possess good study habits while there are others who completely detest staying at one place to study. In my household, we have both the scenarios. There are situations when kids suddenly remember 100 things to do during their home-work or revision time. Likewise, there are multiple scenarios when kids are keen on learning and others when they just want to be on their own. But as a child grows up homeworks and revisions become a part of their routine. Before it becomes overwhelming for the child and parents, it's imperative to find ways to make study-time look fun and interesting for them. Here are a few tips that can enable little buds to get engaged willingly - Know your child’s learning style : This is the key. Know whether your child prefers learning through auditory, visual, or kinaesthetic mediums. This way a child won’t be jittery and would be able to retain focus for a considerable amount of time. Keep distractions at bay - Avoid using phones or tabs when the child is ready to study. Instead get hold of a book or you too engage yourself in some work while sitting next to the child. Create a Routine - Ask your child to make her own timetable. This way she will add various activities into it and likewise study time too. The child would want to revise when she herself allocates an activity to herself. Give them the power of choice to include a time by themselves. Playful approach - Bounce off concepts in a playful manner. Simple things as addition, or asking spellings or simply getting them to read a line from the magazine or playfully narrate a few lines. This way they won’t realize that you are getting them to revise because it is not a structured approach at the same time helps a parent’s goal. Praise instead of instant rewards - If your child has completed a worksheet successfully, whether during school hours or at home, with less or no assistance it's time they deserve a star or smiley from either parent. This way, they’ll be encouraged to do more such tasks and will immediately boost their confidence.Ensure that they have their supplies handy and are not running from pillar to post finding pencils, erasers etc.Lastly, refrain from verbal bashing when a child is not listening or paying attention. In that moment let them be on their own. Instead, try to reinforce, just as play time is important some revision of concepts is important too. It can be a slow process but gradually, the child would understand this.In the process of fuss management don’t forget that it’s the learning and imbibing that is important and not just getting the homework done. Take it one step at a time and sync yourself with the child’s pace and gradually advise them to increase it. It’s a slow process and would involve oodles of patience from the parent. Hope you find the article useful. Do share your suggestions and let us know if you found these tips useful. Happy Parenting! Read more
Dr Priyanka Kalra has added a new answer
Expecting Mom due in 4 months
7 hours ago
Q. mam i am 21 week continuing in my pregnancy but my baby not moving as much
Dr Priyanka Kalra
Obstetrician and Gynaecologist
6 hours ago
A. pl do ultrasound. better to show to specialist always as they get the correct diagnosis. try to avoid self and extra medication that will only complicate this and create more damage to the child
Dr Ghouse has added a new answer
Expecting Mom due this month
6 hours ago
Q. #asktheexperts what is muconium staining?
Dr Ghouse
Paediatrician
6 hours ago
A. due to feetal distance that will be mcconium passing in the uterine cavity itself. if there is no relief it is better you see your doctor for proper examination particularly physical examination if there is need for doing investigations to find out the problem and treatment ok
Dr Ghouse has added a new answer
Expecting Mom due in 2 months
5 hours ago
Q. #asktheexperts What should I buy for my baby however I'm just expecting in 2 month
Dr Ghouse
Paediatrician
5 hours ago
A. you can get information regarding essentials of the new ones watch any YouTube channel. if there is no relief it is better you see your doctor for proper examination particularly physical examination if there is need for doing investigations to find out the problem and treatment ok
Rashmi has added a new answer
Expecting Mom due in 5 months
5 hours ago
Q. I got faint line all my pregnancy test and I missed my periods for 10 days but USG and TVs test confirm there is no pregnancy is there any chance that it is very early stage that's why it is not visible???? or TVs test is the last thing that can tell that really there is no pregnancy
Read moreRashmi
Mom of a 9 yr 7 m old girl
4 hours ago
A. I think it would be advisable for you to get an ultrasound done with your doctor that’s going to give you a clarity because if there is a pregnancy it would be visible at least at least that sack is visible if it’s a regular pregnancy so it would be advisable to have a test with your doctor
Dr. Minal Acharya has added a new answer
Guardian of 0 children
1 hour ago
Q. mere twins baby girl and boyhai one month 8 days old kya mai ghutti de sakte hun ya gripe water de sakte hun aur kab se start kar sakte hun
Dr. Minal Acharya
Nutritionist
1 hour ago
A. dear Mum, you should not give any sort of gripe water or ghutti to your baby. these are unhealthy and dangerous and can cause infection to your baby. so, these should be completely avoided.
Dr Vandan H Kumar has added a new answer
Guardian of 0 children
39 mins ago
Q. I am currently 32 week pregnant.I recently had growth scan.mu baby is in cephalic presentation. Does this change as I approach my due date. Also my EDD is July 25 and EDC is July 2. what is my expected due date. Also what is EDC?
Dr Vandan H Kumar
Paediatrician
26 mins ago
A. edc is expected date of delivery only.
that is 40 weeks
You will get more information for your query with your family doctor. You may meet your dr in person for proper guidance .
It is important to remain in contact with your doctor.
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